Weight
No Eating? (Big Sister)
Kedia, 13 writes...
My best friend has been my best friend since I was three years old. Now, when we go out to have fun, she barely eats. I have to admit, she is a little bit overweight, but that's not any excuse to eat nothing but an apple a day. I tried to talk to her but she insists that she's fine. I thought about telling her parents but she got really mad when I suggested that she talk to them. She's lost a bit of weight this summer but I'm afraid that it's not the healthy way. She's been exercising too. What do I do?amanda says...
You have taken the appropriate steps in helping her and you are a good friend for realizing this. I suggest you talk to her parents about it. Do you trust them? I know in a way it's like going behind her back, but it's for her own health and safety and it's because you truly care about her. Tell her parents to please not mention your name, but if she does find out, then one day she will realize that you didn't mean any harm and but no means were you being a rat. Tell her parents what you've noticed and why you're concerned and hopefully she can get the help she needs.Weight And Confidence: You Gotta Have One (Ask A Guy)
boyfriendless, 18 writes...
Alright, so I'm not really all that confident in myself. I mean, sometimes I get goofy and can be outgoing and bubbly. And sometimes I get too confident and I think I over do it, but that's mainly around guys. I'm 18 and have never really had a boyfriend; I've had lots of guy friends but never a real honest-to-goodness boyfriend. I always chalked it up to my weight problem, but everyone always tells me how pretty I am, and that weight shouldn't matter. Is that true for most guys? Or maybe is it my lack of 'real' confidence that's turning them off? Why is it that guys don't seem to be into me, for a relationship?
Daniel says...
Not to sound a little contrived but neither of the factors you mention is the sole reason you haven't had a boyfriend. Rather, it's both your weight and your lack of self-esteem working together to create a sort of relationship double whammy. I'm not going to blow smoke up your tail and tell you that a shining personality will solve all the world's problems. But it would certainly help. Guys want something to feel like they have "a catch" when they start dating a girl. An attractive girl with zero self-esteem and a crappy personality is still, to people who don't really know her, attractive. While people who are shallow and have little more than their physical beauty will likely bounce from relationship to relationship, you can't think "look at all the boyfriend's she's had." Rather, think of how many relationships she's had that have failed (and feel a little sorry for her).
At the same time, a larger girl with a happy, confident personality can be a lot of fun to be around and some guys don't care about a little extra flesh. Will some guys not want to date you because you have a weight problem? Without a doubt, yes. But I do know plenty of guys who are more concerned about finding a girl he "can stand to be around" (i.e. someone who is a lot of fun) and are willing to be less demanding in the physical department to get it.
Relationships are supposed to be fun, no doubt, but as you leave your teens and begin to enter your twenties your mind will start to wander toward your future and settling down with someone. That's not to say you're going to married and boring at 21. Rather, it's what you'll start looking for in a guy: qualities that make an attractive long-term mate. So you haven't had a great deal of boyfriends - at the end of the day that doesn't really matter. There's no questioning the fact that teenage relationships provide valuable learning experiences for future relationships. But are they compulsory to develop healthy adult relationships? Absolutely not.
At the end of the day, you want "a guy who is going to make you happy" - not "a guy." So don't worry about what other people think. What could people possibly think of a more self-confident you? That your personality is too "cool" for your physical appearance? F*** them. That's a load of bullsh*t and they know it. If anyone ever thinks that about you, it's because they're jealous - because you have something they don't. And that's a fact you should be proud of and not intimidated by. Be free. If someone doesn't like a more outgoing, effervescent you, then they don't really deserve to be your friend, do they?
Tags: ask a guy, advice, relationships, happiness, weight, confidence
Weighting Grades, Literally (Getting In)
Lincoln University near Oxford, Pennsylvania (near Philadelphia) is going to require all students with a BMI exceeding 30 to take a physical education class. A recent article in the Lincolnian, the campus newspaper, begins to scratch the surface as to the controversy this has started as a result of this policy.
The school's administration argues that it is trying to improve the health of it's campus community. But the critics are vocally emerging from all corners with concerns that it will impact enrollment and that it is discrimination against the obese.
What we do know is the obesity is a serious issue in America and clearly we've struggled to find solutions as the problem is only a growing one, especially as people around the United States are having to make sacrifices and may not be able to afford to eat as healthy (it's true, fresh fruit and lean cuts of meat cost more than canned and fattier cuts). This is one school's approach to the problem and it is likely that while Lincoln is first, other schools will follow.
Indeed, right now many smaller schools do have a physical education and/or wellness requirements, but they are across the board requirements for all students. These programs manage with less controversy though because they are not targeted toward one particularly group meeting with one particular.
But when you're shopping around for the right college to go to, this is one area that you may want to ask questions in. Whether you're for or against physical education and wellness requirements it's something that could affect the entire four (hopefully!) years you'll be attending that school. When you're interviewing or even just talking with someone from the college the following questions may help you with a decision:
- What physical education or wellness requirements are there for students at your college?
- Are there specific situations where physical education or wellness courses are required for some students?
- If I play a sport am I still required to take physical education or wellness courses? (if they have requirements at all)
- How many students participate in sports and other physical activities at any level (varsity, club, intramural, and the like)?
Tags: getting in, obesity, weight, controversy, college interviews, physical education, health in college, college wellness, lincoln university, interviewing for college
Loving Life With Food (Big Sister)
Not Really That Hungry, 17 writes...
Hey Big Sisters. I have a bit of a dumb question, but I really need help. I feel like I have an obsession with food. It all started when I quit my soccer team a few weeks ago. Up until that point, I could eat absolutely ANYTHING I wanted, and not have to worry about gaining weight, as I would just burn it off that night at practice. I had been playing soccer pretty much my whole life, so I've never really had to eat like a normal person... I really could eat as much as I wanted, whenever I wanted. However, now that I don't play soccer six nights a week, I feel like I'm consumed with words like "calories", "fat", "weight" and "exercise". It seems like food is the only thing that's ever on my mind - and when I am eating, I don't stop to really taste it, I'm just thinking of what my next meal is going to be. I'm trying SO HARD to eat well and not obsess, but somehow I just can't stop myself when I enter the kitchen. I go CRAZY. I've tried counting calories, just to get a measure of how much I really am eating, but that gets tiresome after a while. I've tried to focus on eating when I'm hungry and not when I'm bored, but that only works for a few days at a time. I've joined a gym, but when I go I get a little OCD and work out for 3 hours at a time, which I know isn't healthy either. At the rate I'm going, I feel like one of two things could happen. 1) I'm either heading towards an eating disorder because I'm so obsessed or 2) I'll completely give up and gain 45 pounds I feel like I'll self-destruct either way... I can't seem to find a happy medium. I think part of my worry is that I was really overweight as a child, and now that I'm 17 years old, 5'8 and weigh 155 pounds, I'll just end up going back to my old rolly-polly self. Which I really don't want. At all. So I was just wondering if you girls could help me. I don't know if you have any tips or tricks on how to stop yourself from overdosing on food, but if you did, that would be so very much appreciated. Thanks a bunch 