Suicide
Straight Talk on Cutting (Health Nut)
mud, 13 from United States writes...
Lately I've been really getting upset about my life and how things are with me and my family -- we are always fighting! I've also been feeling really down lately. A few months ago (and I have no idea why), I started cutting. It used to be just light little scrapes and such but ever since then they've been getting deeper and deeper and harder to disguise. It's like any sharp object I see I'm immediately reminded of how crappy things have been going and it's like I need to feel physical pain as if it would take away emotional pain. I need some help, but I don't know anyone I can turn to to help me out. I know I need to stop myself before I do something I'll regret -- do you have any tips on how to quit cutting?Jamie says...
To help stop cutting you need to first understand some of what causes people to cut themselves. Many people often think that those who cut themselves are suicidal, but that's not really the case. In most cases, people who cut themselves do it in response to extreme stress. There are a number of reasons they may do it:- Cutting can act as a distraction. The physical pain of cutting can serve to take their mind off of emotional pains.
- Some people have problems feeing anything, and cutting provides a means for them to feel something, as compared to feeling nothing.
- The act of cutting can trigger the release of endorphins, which are natural pain-killers in the body. A person might become 'hooked' on the feeling that this gives them. (some people have said they became 'addicted' to cutting)
- What can also be an attraction to cutting is control. Many of life's pain are out of our control, but cutting is something that can be controlled, and some are attracted to the fact that they can control that pain even though they can't control the other pain in their life.
To stop cutting you need to break the cycle. That means you need to find a way to cope with the issues in your life that are causing you to turn to cutting. The fact that you have turned to me for help suggests that you really want to stop cutting. That’s a good sign; don't ever lose sight of it.
However, stopping cutting is something that requires planning and support. If you're serious about breaking the cutting habit, then make sure you can follow through with it. What do you need?
- Make sure you have a friend you can talk to that will support you. Should you feel like cutting and you can't help yourself, then you need someone you can talk to that can get you over the hump until the feeling passes. If you don't have a friend to call, then there is a toll-free helpline you can call 1-800-DONT-CUT (1-800-366-8288).
- Whatever you have been using to cut needs to vanish, permanently. Get rid of all the things you have been using, and make sure you can't get them back.
- You should think of some things you can do that can take the place of cutting. This can mean doing anything that requires effort that will provide relief. Let's examine this further...
- Go for a run. Sprint so hard that you are ready to collapse when you are done. The intense emotion will be replaced with intense exhaustion. This has the benefit of getting you out of the house (which is usually what triggers the need to cut) and it also gets you away from what you likely use to cut. Once you become accustomed to it, perhaps just go for a nice run or a jog instead of a sprint.
- If you like to hit things, make a punching bag and then wail on it with your fists. Punch the heck out of something (even a pillow), or grab a tray of ice cubes and chuck 'em at a wall outside. Don't punch walls or break things that you shouldn't break.
- Music can also be a release, if you're home alone, crank up the tunes really loud and get lost in the music. If you can't crank it, grab some headphones and your MP3 player and crank the tunes. Dance if that's something you're into.
- Wear a rubber band on your wrist and snap it when you need to. This will sting but won't cause permanent damage. It also can be used in situations when you are away from home and can't do something intense.
- Take an ice cube and squeeze it in your fist.
- Eat something that is really spicy or gross tasting (but don't eat anything that is not meant to eaten)
- Have a cold shower or bath
- Take something heavy in your hands and hold them straight out in front of you. Keep holding them there as long as you can. As time passes it will be harder and harder to do it, and it will become painful and uncomfortable. Keep doing this until the need to cut passes
Of course if you find yourself still wanting to cut, call 1-800-DONT-CUT (1-800-366-8288) and talk to one of the counsellors.
Ideally you should be talking to your parents or a school counsellor about this, but I don't want to just say "talk to your parents or a school counsellor" since if you were willing to do that you probably would have done it already. However, you should also be honest with yourself and know that if you try to stop cutting and you can't, then you need to see a specialist about this.
(Originally posted in November 2004)
Got a question? Click here then scroll to the very bottom of the page and enter your text into the box - then click submit.
Tags: health nut, stress, suicide, self injury, cutting, coping, harm, anger, self harm
Depression or “Teen Angst”? (Health Nut)
Alyssa, 15 from New Hampshire, USA writes...
How can you tell the difference between true depression and the "teen angst" adults talk about? I find it hard to believe that how I feel on a regular basis can be considered simply hormones.Jamie says...
Great question! What many parents don't realise is that depression is more common in teens than in adults. Yet even with these high numbers of depressed teens, only 20% seek help.Part of the problem that people have when trying to figure out teen depression is that they assume that depression=sad. While feelings of sadness are certainly a part of depression, what researchers have found is that in teens the depression will often make them irritable and grouchy moreso than just sad. So how does one tell this apart from 'teen angst'...? It depends on how you want to look at it. Some people have suggested that teen angst is actually depression, but that it was never identified and went untreated. Others feel that if you wait long enough, the feeling will pass. However, the same could be said for depression as well.
The best way to approach it is to look over the symptoms of depression, and see how many you identify with. Teenshealth.org has a great page on depression, and here's a quote from their list of symptoms.
- depressed mood or sadness most of the time (for what may seem like no reason)
- lack of energy and feeling tired all the time
- inability to enjoy things that used to bring pleasure
- withdrawal from friends and family
- irritability, anger, or anxiety
- inability to concentrate
- significant weight loss or gain
- significant change in sleep patterns (inability to fall asleep, stay asleep, or get up in the morning)
- feelings of guilt or worthlessness
- aches and pains (even though nothing is physically wrong)
- pessimism and indifference (not caring about anything in the present or future)
- thoughts of death or suicide
Since it can be hard to put things into perspective when a person is depressed, I strongly suggest keeping a journal, and writing down how you feel and when you feel it. The reason being is that depression often makes it hard to remember things and focus, so writing down your thoughts will help you to see what you have felt, and if you are feeling better or worse.
Most importantly though, if anyone thinks they are suffering from depression, don't suffer in silence. You may feel no one cares, but that's not true, that the depression making you feel that way. The best way to deal with depression is to see your family doctor, and lay it on the line with them. They will be able provide the help you need.
If you (or anyone else) is depressed and you have parents that think that it is just 'teen angst', I would recommend a book called "More Than Moody: Recognizing and Treating Adolescent Depression", by Dr. Harold S. Koplewicz, a child psychiatrist. (Amazon link) The paperback is only $6 bucks new (or 1 cent + shipping for used copies), or you can probably find it at your local library. The book has been endorsed by the presidents of the American Psychiatric Association and the American Academy of Pediatrics, as well as former depression sufferers Tipper Gore and "60 Minutes" newsman Mike Wallace. Have them read it, and that should give them a better understanding of this complex issue.
(Originally posted in December 2005 - edited for content)
Got a health related question? Worried about something and you want an adult opinion? Let me know. Click here then scroll to the very bottom of the page and enter your text into the box - then click submit.
Tags: health nut, parents, teens, suicide, sad, depression, symptoms, teen angst
A call for help (Secrets Revealed)
Charlotte, 15 writes...
I purposely don't clear my internet history after I google search "how to commit suicide" in hopes that someone will see it and help me. It hasn't worked yet.Janet says...
I think you'll be amazed by how many people sincerely do care about you if indeed anyone finds out in time.
But know that at least we all care, and we don't want you to commit suicide.
In fact, if you need a place to vent or express yourself, email us. If part of your problems are that you feel like you don't fit in or belong somewhere--you can write for us, you can be a part of our team. We want you here.
And if at any time the feelings are too intense to handle by yourself, don't. Call 1-800-SUICIDE or a local crisis number and talk to a professional.
Tags: suicide, secrets revealed, help
“Please Stop Crying!” (Sweet Dreams)
BlackMetalQueen, 2009 writes...
I had a very odd dream and while I think I figured it out, I should like reassurance. I died and now was a very ethereal, beautiful ghost if you will. I see myself in third person wandering around a house I have never seen before and passing through walls. My family members are mourning for me and I try to go to them and show them that I am not gone, I am right here. I specifically go to my grandmother and my four siblings but also a close friend. Only the close friend could see me and it eased his pain. The rest kept crying, and sobbing and I would scream, "Please stop crying! Oh, please stop! Stop crying!" and they wouldn't. I broke down and tried to cry but couldn't. A mysterious figure appeared and took me on a carriage ride and explained that I could not linger here or else my very soul would die and it would be the most painful thing I could imagine. I couldn't care less, i wanted to console those crying. I went back and tried desperately and despite my efforts, I died that spiritual death, crying and screaming "Please don't CRY!". I woke up with tears streaming down my face. It was nearly too real as most for my dreams are. I believe that this symbolizes my reasoning behind what held me back from suicide a long time ago. I cannot tolerate crying, it hurts me. Seeing them cry uncontrollably for me and not being able to do anything seemed to represent a perspective I could not explain in my conscious thoughts. I believe Mark being the only one to see me is a symbol that I believe he understands my intentions and reasoning though no one else did, but still was terribly sad. Any other insight or corrections would be wonderful!Embarr says...
You have done really well interpreting your dream on your own. When it comes down to it, the meaning and message is all up to you. I cannot correct anything because, to put it bluntly, it's your dream. It's your life. What I can do is offer you some thoughts on your dream and perhaps a few more options to consider. What I have to say could confirm your understanding of this dream even further and/or open up new aspects of it.
Death is a transitional point. In most cultures it is believed to be a moment when we change over from this world to another world. In the case of your dream, from mortal to a ghostly limbo and then a place that is only implied and not seen. Even if a person does not believe this, such cultural beliefs are still in their surrounding environment and therefore available to their subconscious to use in a dream. Your subconscious went as far as having a guide to the "otherworld", which is a common figure in death beliefs of a variety of cultures.
Such a dream could have many sides or layers to it. It's very likely that it represents your reason for not commiting suicide. I think that this dream could express your anxiety over change, big change. Suicide would be considered a big change, but there are a lot of other choices that we have to make in our lives. Many of those choices, we fear, will not get the best reaction from those we care about. This dream may be expressing to you one of your deepest habits, which many of us has. That habit is to hesitate before a big change and turn our gazes back at what we are leaving behind. You see your family crying, and you hate this reaction from them. Some people may be afraid to see reactions of disgust, distrust, ridicule, or hate when they want to make a big change in their lives. You saw one person that seemed to accept your feelings, but that was overpowered by the other reactions you feared.
The mysterious figure's words are something you should consider seriously as you think about this dream. This figure warns you of a spiritual death if you linger too long. I think the biggest problem was that your family couldn't see you which led to your spiritual death in the end. You couldn't make a decision one way or the other because there was a lack of the abilitiy to communicate and you hesitated long enough for the moment to turn lethal. A part of you may be encouraging you to go the next step in your life, to a world that feels as different and new as some sort of afterlife. You may have anxieties over expressing your feelings to loved ones though and the hesitation is hurting you more than them crying ever would.
There can be a variety of layers to a dream. Sometimes they can conflict with one another in odd ways, and sometimes they can go together in even stranger ways. I hope what I have said helps you understand this dream better, whether it is something you agree with or not.
Tags: death, sweet dreams, suicide, dreaming, crying