Problems
Let Big Sister Help You! (Big Sister)
Laurey, 14 writes...
It really bugs me sometimes because I'm the oldest of my generation within my family, my cousins and sometimes even my brother come to me for advice which I try to give but I always worry that I shouldn't as I haven't really had much experiences. They depend on me a lot and I have no one I can really go to to help with my problems, I'd ask my friends and they are great but sometimes I wish I had some sort of older person who's dealt with it before. What do I do?Ivette says...
If you ever run into some sort of dilemma and you feel you weren't satisfied with what your friend's advice, you can always ask us! PurplePjs and Big Sister is here to help our readers in these kind of situations. I was also the oldest of my family and it was hard not having someone there to listen to me, surprisingly I stumbled into this website around 10 years ago and I am happy that I was able to use a lot of its resources to get help. This is one of the main reasons I wanted to become an advice columnist here because I get to help other girls just as I was helped years ago! So if you have any sort of problems or questions you can ask any of the advice columns in this website. When you sign on you also have the option of changing your name so it can be an anonymous submission. At Big Sister, we usually answer your questions in less than 24 hours, but if you really need to talk to someone right away it doesn't hurt to ask your parents.Tags: advice, big sister, problems, dilemma
Family Nightmare (Big Sister)
Janet, 19 writes...
Sorry if this is kind of long but I need some advice. My aunt is a hairdresser and has her own business. Well, during the summer I went to get my hair dyed as my debs were coming up in a week. I had made an appointment but when I arrived she told me she thought I wasn't coming until next week. She was busy at the time and told me to come back in about an hour. I left my overnight bag behind her desk as I stay at my gran's during the summer while I work. I went shopping for shoes for the debs and when I came back and she still was not ready for me. So after a bit she washed and put the colour in my hair, at this time it was only the two of us in the place. So while the colour was setting in my hair my aunt said she would run to the bank while I was there, but just before she left she asked me if I had change for eighty euros, I told her I hadn't but she insisted I looked in my purse anyways. I did this and I didn't have it as I said. She then told me to look in a certain pocket in my bag, where I had about seventy euros, I had forgotten about it since I had kept it for buying my shoes. She asked me whose it was and that she was missing money, and then asked if it was hers. Of course it wasn't hers, so when I told her this she started to apologize. While she washed the colour out of my hair she kept complimenting me and asking if I though she was accusing me of stealing from her. Of course I did but I just said I didn't to keep things calm. Anyways after washing my hair she cut it a little, straighten my hair and messed up my fringe. She then charged me fifty euros. I didn't know if I was going to tell my mother about what happened because she and my aunt (her sister) have had a rocky relationship since I can remember. I went to work for the next five days and by the time I got home I had completely forgotten about it, as I had my debs (which I was really disappointed). Now a few weeks ago (four weeks later) out of the blue I got a text from my aunt saying "don't ever pull that on me or anyone else again I am still very upset, and never said anything to your mam or dad about it. I would never upset them that way". As this point I went to tell mam straight away, where dad lost it completely with my aunt. She kept trying to call mam but she refused to talk to her. I then got another text from her saying "that's not fair, you knew about this, its no big deal but not having my only sister not wanting to talk to me is thanks". At some point while I was out mum did talk to my aunt where she told her she seen me take the money, she also said she didn't cut any of my hair (which she did) and also said she only charged me thirty euros. Now mum has a reason not to believe me, which she has told me, she feels she's in the middle of it all. She hasn't spoken to my aunt since and, even though I didn't do anything wrong (apart from not saying about it in the first place), I feel it's my fault. I can't get the whole thing out of my head, its driving me crazy. I'm afraid to walk past her place on my own or fear I'll meet her in town and she'll attack me or something! I'm so down over it and afraid of other family members finding out and thinking I'm in the wrong.
Ivette says...
I would just like to remind you that you didn't do anything wrong. Your aunt is pretty messed up to accuse you and then take it back and then accuse you again. There is also a reason why your mom and her don't have a good relationship (maybe she has exhibited the same kind of behavior before). Don't bring yourself down, you didn't do anything! If someone finds out and asks you about it, you should tell them that your aunt accused you of something you didn't do. There are many ways to question her story. Why would you be there if she wasn't going to cut you're hair? If she saw you get the money, why wouldn't she tried to get it back? There is so much you can do when walking by your aunt's shop. I would try not to go back with her to get your hair fixed, and if you do, to get a receipt every time you do. If you're still feeling uncomfortable about it, talk to your parents. Tell them that you feel guilty about something you didn't do. You can also talk to them about what happened and that you're scared of getting attacked by her (I honestly would). Maybe they can help you feel better and clarify any other kind of misunderstanding. If things don't improve with your aunt's behavior (like her texts or threats), I would go to the police station just to file a report. This way your aunt won't be able to file a report on you first, and you have the upper hand if it comes to the law getting involved. Hopefully, everything will be forgotten and next time be sure to go with a different stylist!Tags: advice, relationships, big sister, parents, problems, family feuds, hair style disasters, psychotic aunts, liars
Dog Problems (Big Sister)
Freaked, 18 writes...
I'm having major problems with the habits of my parents with the family dog. They let her out all the time, no leash, no supervision... nothing! They just let her back in when she comes back when she wants. I worry sick that she'll be stolen or hit by a car. And now she's in heat! My parents grew up in a place where dogs just roamed around on the streets and where people don't care and don't really spend money on these animals for anything, especially medical treatment so she isn't spayed. I know the easy solution would be for me to take her out but I don't have time during the day so I take her out late at night but when I'm at school and at extra-curricular activities my parents let her out. They just don't understand! I try telling them all the time that, not only is it illegal, but she could be hurt but they just brush it off and say nothing will happen. They don't want to actually take her out on a leash either! Last night they let her out and I went after her and I found my neighbor's ugly little rat-dog mounting her! I freaked out and I ran and called her but she didn't obey and I had to go over and grab her! I didn't even say anything to my parents about it because I was too embarrassed! She has been in heat for two weeks so now I'm wondering how many times this has happened and that she could already be pregnant! I've warned my parents but they still let her out when she's in heat and they don't care if she has puppies. What the hell are we going to do if she has puppies? We live in an apartment and we can only keep one pet! I don't want to give them to shelters because they are already crowded and there isn't anyone that would want them because of money issues! Please advise me!amanda says...
Well it sounds like you are really frustrated with this situation! Now this can be different depending on what arrangements you made with your parents before you got your dog. Did they think they were too busy to take care of an animal? Did you promise to take care of it yourself? I'm asking because these are typical agreements that parents make with their kids and this can be a way your parents are trying to prove to you that you aren't able to take care of an animal on your own. I'm not sure if this even applies to you, but if it does, then I think it will take you sitting down with your parents and explaining to them that you need help taking care of this dog. Another issue that clearly needs to be addressed is to get your dog spayed. This can be costly, but I think will cut down on your stress. Talk to your parents about getting that done if they would be able to help you out financially. At the end of the day, you need to take the time to sit down with your parents and tell them how you feel. Try to stay calm and don't get mad. Just explain your feelings and what you hope they could help you out with.Tags: parents, problems, frustrated, heat, dogs
Messy Situation (Big Sister)
IDontKnowYou, 15 writes...
Okay so, two nights ago I got smashed because I was depressed about my dad's car accident and a breakup after being together for almost a year. I did something stupid and I kissed my ex. Now my Ex- boyfriend (not the one I kissed) is telling everyone.. .EVERYONE I'm a whore. One of my best friends is mad at me because it was her older brother, and I'm a mess how can I fix stuff? I have already apologized to her family, the bride and groom (it was at the reception), and her.Ivette says...
I got a little lost when you started talking about a bride and groom but this is what I think you mean? You were invited by your best friend to a wedding reception where one of your friend's relative got married. This is when you got really drunk because of your recent break up and your father's trauma, so you kissed another ex that happens to be your best friend's brother (the one who invited you to the wedding). And you did this in front of the whole reception, which you apologized for? Am I right? If I am not, please feel free to respond to this update in a comment and correct me! Anyways, it seems to be a bigger deal than it is, and that's because you think it is. If you keep believing it is, other people will see it that way too. You already apologize for your inebriated actions. You kissed an ex after having one of the worst weeks of your life, so what? It happens more frequently than you think. You were hurt and you were drunk. You're not a whore and you never were, you were just hurt and needed to feel some sort of positive feeling which you found with your ex 1. Don't let ex 2 talk bad about you, tell him that it was unintentional, and if you were sober you wouldn't of acted that way. If people can't understand just dismiss them, right now it seems like its a huge deal but give it sometime and it will die down. Good luck!Tags: advice, big sister, kissing, relationship, problems, accidents, ex's