Privacy
Please Do Not Disturb (Ask A Guy)
brosrannoying, 15 writes...
I have a twin brother and he really gets on my nerves. He opens doors without knocking, he steals from my plate, and whenever I clean the house he seems to mess it up again in under ten minutes. I've spoken to my parents about it but they think he's being an average teenage boy. On the other hand, if I ever tried this, I'd get a serious talk about maturity and a standard grounding. I've tried everything to tell them that they're unfair but they tell me I'm making it all up and that everyone is loved and treated equally. I'm really at a loss right now. What do I do?
Daniel says...
No parent wants to (and very few parents actually will) admit that they favor one child over another. In fact, in their minds, most parents truly believe they treat their kids equally. But there are lots of reasons why that is simply not possible. Over time, kids' own behavior will cause parents to alter or adapt the way they treat each child they have. Parents change the way they approach their relationships with their kids both consciously and subconsciously. While this is hardly ever done with the intent of "favoring" one kid or the other, that is often the impression that can be given.
Examine your parents' personality type. Are they a "root for the underdog" type? If that's the case and your brother has a harder time getting along with people than you or has a harder time getting good grades than you do, then it could be that they let him get by with a little more simply because they subconsciously feel sorry for him.
It's also possible that your parents are a little harder on you because they expect more out of you or have "bigger plans" for you. I realize this is hard to accept, but there is very little you can do about it. If you push too hard, you will only upset your parents all the more and if you do nothing, then things with your brother will only continue to get worse. The best advice I can give is to keep letting your brother (and your parents) know when he makes a huge mess or when he steals your food. It might also be worth asking your parents if you can have a lock installed on your doorknob. Teenage girls need privacy - particularly in their own home. If you explain this to your parents, you may be able to convince them to change your doorknob to one with a lock. You don't need a deadbolt or anything, but your brother has proven he isn't going to give you the consideration of a knock. If your parents aren't going to contribute to breaking him of that habit, then they at least need to ensure you get the privacy you need in some other way.
As for the other issues, the only thing you can do is keep letting your brother know when he annoys you and pushing your parents to help you fix the problems. If it means an occasional talking-to, so be it. Eventually, your brother will mature a bit, realize that his behavior is rude, and change at least a little bit.
Tags: ask a guy, advice, relationships, privacy, siblings
Whose Right To Privacy? (Ask A Guy)
WISEWONDERS, 44 writes...
I have been married for 20 years. Last year my husband had an emotional affair. It was with a woman he worked with; there was no sex involved only texting, calling, and Facebook. It made it very hard for me to trust him. I still have a hard time. He has three email accounts. His Facebook is set so I cannot see his comments or anyone else's on his account, but everyone else can see it.
I got in his email the weekend of our 20th anniversary as I felt like something was wrong. I never got a card or letter or anything for our anniversary. When I got on his gmail I saw an email from plentyoffish.com--a singles site. When I called him on it he said he put it there for my benefit, to teach me a lesson to not to go in his email. Well it has been A LONG time since I have been on his email. And why would he have thought I was in it? I told him it was hurtful and messed up that he would intentionally try to hurt me like that. He can get on my email anytime as I have nothing to hide and he can see my Facebook all the way, as I have not changed my settings for him to not see anything. Why is he so secretive? He says it's his right to privacy.
Daniel says...
Secrecy with the government is one thing. No one really wants "big brother" snooping through their phone records without them knowing or watching them in their own home. But a marriage is completely different. In a marriage, you invite that person into your life, you open yourselves to them, and you expect the same openness in return. In opening yourself up to someone, you make yourself vulnerable and you expect to receive the same treatment because it's a two-way street. What you have right now with your husband right now does not seem like a marriage--it seems like two roommates quarreling about living arrangements and house rules.
But the two of you are married and unless your husband has decided he no longer wants to be in the relationship, you are being more than reasonable with your expectations. I typically don't condone snooping around in others' email if you don't have permission, but it sounds like the two of you have each other's email passwords so if your husband didn't want you in his email he could just change his password. Your husband has embarked upon a perplexing dichotomy in behavior. He doesn't care enough about his email to change his password but he has effectively blocked you (and only you) from seeing what's going on with his Facebook account.
The first thing you need to do is make your husband understand how he is making you feel. You can't control your feelings because they're just spontaneous responses to events. If you can communicate your feelings to him and he still doesn't care, then I suggest finding a marriage counselor or therapist with whom the two of you can work. Right now his behavior indicates a lack of desire to be in the marriage and I think both of you would benefit from being able to both explore your own feelings and learn about what the other person is going through.
Tags: ask a guy, advice, relationships, marriage, privacy, hurtful actions, affairs
Networking Sites: Good or Bad? (Hit Me)
How many of you use networking sites such as MySpace, Facebook, or any other? There are so many out there, but the most popular at the moment, are Facebook and MySpace. Currently there are more than 400 million people using Facebook alone. They are a great way to keep in touch with friends or get to know new ones. While these sites might have their advantages, there is also a dark side to them. Stories in the news are popping up showing how these sites are being used to cyber bully, steal identities, and harass people. As well as that, there is a whole other issue regarding privacy. Facebook in recent months changed its privacy settings making it easier for users to control who sees what, but at the same time things such as applications, games, and fan pages can take your information and share it with third parties. So, are these sites doing more good than bad and are they invading our right to privacy? What are your concerns and thoughts on the matter?
Tags: privacy, networking sites