Mind Games
Guys Can Be So Mean! (Ask A Guy)
Flower, 21 from United States writes...
Hey, Daniel, I'm feeling kind of hopeless at the moment, so I really hope you can help me. Since high school most of the guys I've known seem to think it's fun to mess with my head and my emotions. They act like I'm some new toy to play with and then when I'm of no use to them anymore I'm back in the pile - metaphorically. It's nothing sexual, but I'm afraid it will get to that point one day and I'll finally break down. How do I get more respect from these guys? I'm a quiet, shy girl so they think it's fun to mess with the shy girl and I can't take it much longer. I can't tell which guys are sincere anymore. Help?
Daniel says...
First thing's first - hang out with a different crowd. If this is a regular, borderline-systemic thing that guys are doing to you, then there must be a common thread among the guys. Without a doubt, not all guys behave this way; I'd even go so far as to say the vast majority of guys would feel badly about treating a girl that way. What is most likely happening is there are one or two guys who are treating you this way and "all the others" are merely piling on because they are pathetic enough to want to look cool to these other guys.
Start hanging out with other folks and just be yourself. If you're a little quiet, then there's no reason to change that. The right guy won't be intimidated by your shyness and will instead see it as a challenge - to get to know you better. Smile when folks talk to you and be friendly, but there's no reason you need to drastically change the way you behave...just avoid the folks to who do make fun of you and hang out with others.
This article was originally posted by Daniel in June 2009.
Tags: ask a guy, advice, relationships, sincerity, mind games