Leering
Smoking Hot, Just Lacking Any Tact (Ask A Guy)
kelly, 16 writes...
Hey Daniel,
There's this guy I really like in class and I have no idea what to do. I wouldn't say we're great friends but we sit next to each other in every class (pure luck) and he's absolutely hot. The problem is, he has a girlfriend. This is something that I'm not considering a major problem because he's dumped so many girls this year alone because he says they weren't right for him. I think I'm perfect. We have so much fun when we're alone together, but when people see us, it gets awkward.
When he talks to me, he makes me laugh so much and we play footsies in class all the time. But there's only one thing that's stopping me from saying anything to him: he looks at my chest A LOT. Some times I'll catch him glaring at me with his mouth wide open. I try to wave my head to get his attention back to me but he just looks at my face once and goes right back to my chest. He'll put his hands on my waist a lot. He sits really close to me. He caresses my face with his fingers and sighs. He's even touched my butt (supposedly accidentally) a few times. If his hot face didn't make me overlook this sometimes, I'd be scared. Does this all mean that he really likes me, he just likes to add me to his fantasies, or he wants to hook up with me?
Daniel says...
It sounds like this guy doesn't quite know how to handle the fact that his female classmates are developing breasts right around them. Perhaps he thinks if he stares at them long enough he'll see them grow or you'll have some kind of wardrobe malfunction. Under slightly different conditions, I would suggest that this guy was simply trying to be funny, but that's clearly not the case here. The line between creepy and funny is admittedly gray, but this goes so far beyond that line that it would be seemingly impossible for him to think it was okay. Odds are, he simply doesn't realize just how offensive his behavior truly is.
Waving your head to get his attention is certainly a good start, but it apparently isn't strong enough. I suggest you start including something more forceful. Saying something like, "I'm talking with my mouth...it's way up here," will get his attention. "If you stare long enough, they talk back" is another particular favorite of mine. It does sound like this guy likes you, so don't be too cruel to him. But, at the same time, you shouldn't be afraid to keep your distance. He does, after all, have a girlfriend.
One more thing: don't be so quick to draw a line between "liking you" and adding you to his fantasies. In most cases, they are one and the same. Logically, if you like someone, they should be part of your fantasies!
Tags: ask a guy, advice, relationships, gauging interest, leering