Guys

Guys Are Actually Quite Simple (Ask A Guy)

Lisa, 19 from United States writes...

Hello Daniel!

I am in need of advice - advice that I think would probably really benefit the other readers of Ask A Guy as well as myself. As a guy, I know you would have to at least know a few others, so what are some flirty texts and things to say that really draws a guy in? I'm looking for something to say that would sort of make them anticipate and not be able to wait until your next text. Any tips or scenarios would be greatly appreciated. Thanks - guys are confusing!

Daniel says...

When it comes to flirting, guys are actually quite simple-minded. If you imply interest in them (and potentially their body), then they will definitely look forward to your texts. What you say to someone depends a lot upon your friendship, any past events that have taken place between the two of you, and your personalities. It's tough to recommend something general to say, but always keep in mind what you're implying in your message. Keep in mind that if you are looking to send flirty texts, then I am operating under the assumption that you aren't too worried about sending some kind of sexual vibe in your texts. As a general example, if you text a guy to ask him what he's doing and he responds that he isn't doing much, then you can respond describing what you are doing. As long as it isn't something either overly intimate or overly personal, you can always end your response with something like, "it would be a lot more [fun, interesting] if you were here!" Something like that should get the thought process flowing and give you an idea the type of thing that guys like.

Tags: ask a guy, advice, relationships, guys

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Going To The Next Level (Big Sister)

caligirl44, 18 writes...

I really need to do something wild... and crazy. Well, under my terms at least. I've recently kind of been thrown into a situation, where I am hanging out with a older guy, that is kind of vulnerable, and wants a woman. I've kind of been thrown into this, where I could hang out with him- as he's asked me before- and I'd like to get to that "movie moment" where you just, kiss the person you're with. But- how does that happen? Especially with someone you know. How do you just kiss them, and know its right and know they won't shove you away? I just think it would be fun, to go to the next level with this person, just as "friends" seeing as neither of us are looking for anything "solid". Any help is appreciated!!! Thanks so much!! Oh, and I love the new stuff you've done with the page!!

Ivette says...

Thanks for the feedback on our new website! All of the PPJs staff have been working really hard behind the scenes to improve it so we appreciate your positive feedback! Now to your question, I want to know how you've been "thrown" into this situation, and if you really had a choice to get into this friendship/relationship or you were obliged to go with it. Another thing that alarms me is that you described your friend as "vulnerable and wants a woman". Personally, I don't see any good for someone to be in that kind of mental and emotional state of mind. That means the guy is hurt or has some underlying issues that may push him to the edge and is willing to go out with any girl that crosses his path. Hmm, that doesn't sound like a decent guy to be around with, so before you put yourself out there, reevaluate the situation and analyze what you're getting into. As for your concern, I don't really believe there is a perfect kiss or a "movie moment" for a kiss. First off, the two people have to be perfectly comfortable with each other and not feel obliged to do something they're not really okay with. You also have to remember that it's really hard to have a perfect moment, but you can make it special. You have to make sure the guy sees you romantically as well, since he will probably find it weird if a girl comes up to him with that demeanor when he doesn't expect it. If you still want to do it, I would suggest try building up the atmosphere from early on. Go on a date, be flirty and have fun. You can also be a little physical like touching his arm when you're talking or holding hands. If he responds well to your cues it is more likely he won't be entirely surprise or shocked when you kiss him. It might be easier if you just peck him on his lips and smile at him, instead of going into hardcore kissing. If he likes you, he will probably think it was cute and he will do the next move. I think that's a way to play it safe without being shoved away or rejected. Be sure to also read his body language, usually when someone isn't interested he will be distracted and not fully engaged with the other person. He may also be blunt and cold if he usually is outgoing and social. Watch out for these cues! These will help you recognize if he is interested or not and if you should do a move. Another tip: I usually do not advice being "friends with benefits" since these usually end up pretty bad. So be careful what you're getting into and especially with who! Good luck on what you decide!

Tags: relationships, big sister, kissing, dating, friends with benefits, making a move, guys, rejection, dates

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Relationship Phobia (Big Sister)

Confused, 19 writes...

Hello, I don't know what to do about the little situation I'm in at the moment. I'm a 19 year old college student that has never had a boyfriend. About a month ago I started getting texts from a guy I met through my best friend (he's technically a relative of hers). Anyway, we've met once now and have been texting almost everyday. I do like him very much and would love for this to evolve into something more. My problem is that the thought of being in a relationship scares me. I know most girls my age have already been in one or more. Some days I just want to back out of this completely and say goodbye and other days I want things to move more quickly. I've actually been losing sleep over this. My question is, is this normal? I hate not knowing what to do, since no guy has ever showed interest in me before. Thanks.

Ivette says...

People get to different stages at different times in their lives. I would say it is normal to be nervous about dating someone or seeing where things might go if you have never experienced something similar. Though, you shouldn't be scared enough to lose sleep over it. Try and see what scares you the most. Is it the commitment, is it moving in a fast pace? Take your time. After all, things with this certain guy might not develop into a relationship in the end. Take things slow and at your pace, if you hurry them things might become a little weird for you. Start getting to know him more, and maybe it will lead to a little bit of dating. I believe you may be feeling this way because you haven't spent enough time together (you've only seen him once after all). Try to relax and enjoy this new friendship as much as possible! If it develops into something else it will be farther down the line not now, don't think too much of it right now. The more you guys see each other and interact will make you feel better over time so don't fret just yet!

Tags: advice, relationships, big sister, guys, relationship phobia

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Being Lonely (Big Sister)

writeitdown, 19 writes...

Hello, big sister. I'm really really confused right now. The last time I had a relationship with men was 2 years ago. And these past two years, I've been alone. I mean, I have friends, but I need another man to form relationship, but there was none. Even until now. As no guy approaches me or something like that in my college, I begin to think that I'm unattractive. I'm now addicted to site like omegle.com and chatroulette.com just to find guys that interested in me. But they live so far away. I try to join a community like writing group in my town, but I find no one interesting there. And after some times, I stopped coming by. I feel more and more lonelier each day. I mean, I have friends, but I really just want a guy, a guy to love and who loves me. But there's none. And I feel like I want to die now. What should I do?

Ivette says...

Being single for some time is hard, especially when you're young and want to have some fun. Have you tried looking into more programs in your school in order to meet more people? Maybe you don't need a new boyfriend, but instead you need to develop new relationships with the people around you. Try establishing a connection with someone you find interesting in your class. Having social bonds is good for anyone, and when we make new ones we seem to become happier. If you're able to make some friendships with a couple of guys maybe you can hang out with them more and something may develop. You can also go out and have some fun with your friends. Go to parties, social college events and maybe a school game! I know that sometimes it may feel frustrating not being able to find someone, but you have nothing to worry about. You're young, in college and beautiful, and you should never feel unattractive just because you don't have a boyfriend. It sucks when you see everyone around you with someone and you may feel left out, but you need to believe that someone is out there for you. You won't be single forever, I promise. Sometimes when we stop looking for something, they just naturally come. Don't be afraid to meet new people! Sometimes we tend to judge a book by its cover and think a certain guy isn't our type when deep down they have a sweet soul. So don't be too quick to believe a certain guy is too good for you or not your type, you never know if he might be the one! For now, embrace being single and have fun, that special someone will pop in your life when you least expect it.

Tags: advice, relationships, big sister, love, guys, worried, being single

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Mr. Undecided (Big Sister)

notsogood, 16 writes...

I'm seeing these two guys, and they are friends. Guy number two knows about guy number one. But guy number one doesn't know about guy number two. Guy number two keeps telling me how he wants to do things to me, we make a plan to do something. Then right before we are gonna meet up he says what we are doing isn't right. But after a few minutes he changes his mind and wants to do something. What is going on?

Ivette says...

I don't know what issue you're asking about but I will tell you what I generally see. Guy number 2 just sees you as a piece of meat and wants to use you, but at the last minute his single moral fiber starts kicking in, which makes him chicken out. Guy number 2 feels bad that Guy number 1 (his friend) doesn't know what you two are up to, so that makes him feel bad when he's with you. It seems like Guy number 1 likes you and maybe would like to be in a relationship with you, and that's why Guy number 2 feels like he is cheating on Guy 1 and being a bad friend. If you want Guy number 2 to stop being a child, go tell Guy number 1 that you're seeing Guy number 2 and you plan to do things. This way, Guy number 2 won't be changing his mind every three seconds because he is breaking the "Bros before Hoes" code.

Tags: advice, relationships, big sister, high school, guys, open relationships

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Can an Ex Become a Friend? Pt. 2 (Big Sister)

anonymous, 20 writes...

My ex and I met a couple of months ago through friends. When we first met, we had decided that we were going to take things slow and see how it went. We started talking a lot, on a daily basis and we got to know a lot about each other. He told me about his past, including his past relationships, previous mistakes he had made, and we often talked about what he wanted to do in the future with his career and other goals he had in life. I told him about my past relationships as well, and I let him into my life a lot more than I had let anyone else in. There was something about him that made me open up a lot more than I would have with anyone else, and I found myself telling him about how I had been sexually assaulted by my ex boyfriend of seven years, and how he had cheated on me with my friend. We started dating and he introduced me to his mom, his best friends and would call me everyday though he constantly worked and was busy the majority of the time. He would come home late at night and take out the time to call me and see if things were fine. We didn't see each other much because we were busy with work and other priorities but we would try to spend time together as much as we could. He would call during his lunch or his breaks just to check up and and say hi. During that time period, I heard rumors of him still being in touch with his ex girlfriend and when I asked him about it he told me that he hadn't talked to her at all, and that I shouldn't listen to other people. His ex and I have a lot of mutual friends, and I ended up talking to her one day and she told me about how he HAD been in touch with her, and she showed me text messages/phone calls and emails that he had send her. He had even asked her to get back with him. When I called him again, he denied it at first, and I hung up. A few days later, he called me and told me the truth about the situation. Somehow we got past that, and we started dating again. Our relationship was a roller coaster ride, one minute things would be fine another minute it would all go downhill. Every time we would argue, he would want to break up, and he couldn't deal with the "mood swings" I had when I was with him. I had recently found out that I had a cyst in my ovaries and because it was too large I would have had to get it removed because it could be potentially cancerous. Obviously that meant that I could not have kids, and for someone that works in the field of being around children all the time it was a hard thing to hear. He claimed that it wasn't important and that there were so many other options that I shouldn't be upset about it. Last week his ex got in touch with him again, because she wanted to "forgive" him for things that had happened in the past. She told him about things I had said about him, I had been angry at the time and had said harsh things because the situation had reminded me of the past. He got mad at things I had said, and told me that it showed a lot about my character and that he couldn't be with somebody like that. I'm just confused. He still talks to me and says that he isn't "willing" to try to work things out but when we talk thing see the same. Should I just stop talking to him?

Ivette says...

This is similar to the idea if can an ex be a friend. In this situation, your feelings were hurt, his feelings were hurt, therefore it will be hard to let go of the notion of the past and move on towards having a normal friendship with him. It really depends what you want out of him. It seems like you still like him and I'm sorry to say this but you guys won't go back together. If you need to get over him, yes, by all means stop talking to him. Don't put yourself through mixed signals and false hope. If you are still willing to have him in your life as only a friend, sure you can, but not now. Right now you're no way capable of dealing with this kind of drama. Focus on your health, and on getting better, surround yourself with friends and family members that will support you through this hard time. Forget about this guy, he didn't have the best interest in mind for your relationship if he was trying to get back with his ex-girlfriend. Don't let his manipulative ways turn things against you, you had ever right to bad mouth him when you find out he was lying and emotionally cheating on you with his ex girlfriend. On the last note, never trust the ex girlfriend of a current boyfriend, they're likely stab you in the back like his did by telling him things he shouldn't have heard.

Tags: advice, relationships, big sister, life, guys, ex, friendship, girls, relationship problems, can an ex be a friend

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Asking A Guy Out (Big Sister)

Jessabell, 17 writes...

How do you go about asking a guy out on a date?

Ivette says...

It really depends on the guy! Some guys may feel a little uncomfortable or some may just be too shy! Either way, it's good to take the risk and ask them on a date if they're not going to do it themselves. Your best bet is to be extra casual about it, especially if they will be uncomfortable with the idea. A simple smile and a "hey we should hang out soon! Can I have your number?" is a great way to start. If you already feel more comfortable with the guy you can start by telling them, "Hey I've heard of this cool movie/restaurant/coffee house, would you like to come with me X Day on X Time to check it out?" They might not even notice it's a date because it just sounds like you want to hang out. This way it won't be awkward if they say no (which I doubt they will) or feel pressure with the whole "I am going on a date" nerves.

Tags: advice, relationships, big sister, crushes, friends, guys, dates, girls

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But He’s Short! (Big Sister)

too tall !, 18 writes...

There's this guy that I met at school and we became really close friends. So close that we had sex and I found myself having feelings for him and he told me he may have feelings too the only problem is he's shorter than me! I think I really have feelings for him but I told him that I needed to stop talking to him because I'm not sure anymore but truthfully I just don't know if I could handle the height. He got mad at me because I hurt him and he stopped talking to me. I was so sad. I missed him so much and during that time I realized how much I cared about having him around. Now that we are friends again he told me he's giving me another chance and for me not to break his heart again. I just haven't told him I'm not comfortable with the height. I also don't want to lose him as a friend. I don't know what to do ! I feel like I'm leading him on because I know I'm probably not going to be with him, but I don't know. Please help!

Ivette says...

You know, I don't really know how shorter than you he is but I've seen my share of couples where the girl is slightly taller than her boyfriend, and example would be me and my best friend too. Honestly, if his height bothered you this much, you shouldn't have slept with him, because that only made him think you liked him too. If you really had feelings for him, height shouldn't be one of the deciding factors if you want to be with him or not. You're most likely going to lose him as a friend because of the mixed signals. Try to be nice to him and tell him that you made a mistake and you are sorry for it, that you didn't intend to break his heart and that you really don't want to lose him. Another thing, stop leading him on. That's not going to help your case. If you don't. he still will think you like him, so if you want him to think otherwise, be civil and polite, and treat him as a friend. Being all flirty with him will make his heart break again because he'll have hope in being with you. If you need to stop talking to him a while, then do. Playing with someone's feelings like that is not nice and you need to understand that people have feelings and feel the same crappy way you do when you're upset.

Tags: sex, advice, big sister, crushes, relationship, guys, hooking up, crush, friendship, girls

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Keeping things…not Dry (Big Sister)

Anonymous, 2009 writes...

Hey, when I hang out with my bf we generally just chill and play guitar or I go to his band practice. Recently we've been doing a lot of kissing and he likes to... let's just say eat the makeup off of my face. He is a very wet kisser and overuses tongue. While he's picked up that it's not my thing, I still end up with serious cotton mouth and when we venture into a little more intimate areas my mouth is dry. Any tips to keep moist?

Ivette says...

Your best bet is to just take little breaks and drink water. You need to keep hydrated especially during these summer days, and you will also avoid having a dry mouth. If it's too much for you, tell him! Teach him how to kiss your way. It's not fun when they slobber all over your face or shove their tongue into your throat. Teach him, and with time he will be a better kisser.

Tags: advice, relationships, big sister, kissing, dating, guys, girls

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