Graduation
Road Trip: Asking Permission (Big Sister)
ColoradoChic2010, 17 writes...
I am currently a senior in high school in Colorado and me and my friends would like to go on a road trip after graduation. My best friend's grandparents live out in California and apparently have a very spacious house where the five of us could stay for the week. The only problem is that my parents don't think I should go because it's "not safe". I don't get it! My friends are all good kids that my parents have met and approve of, and I will be the only person on the trip that will not be 18, but I'll only be a few weeks shy of it. I told them that we would stop at a hotel halfway there so that we wouldn't be driving through the night, that I would text/call them regularly with updates, and that once we got to CA we would be staying at my friend's Christian grandparents home. But they still won't go for! I'm trying to be reasonable, but I feel that as a straight A student taking 4 AP classes while captaining a very young lacrosse team that I have proven myself to be responsible and therefore should be trusted to have this one last carefree escape with my friends before we separate for college and never see each other again. Any ideas that might make my parents more comfortable with allowing me on this road trip? Thanks for any advice!
Ivette says...
Oh, I think your parents should become good friends with mine. My parents are exactly the same. Even right now where I am on my way to my 20s they still feel the need to restrict me from doing things with my friends. I thought this was always strange since I never went to party when I was in high school. I stayed in all the weekends, did my homework, spend a lot of family time, and never gave them any trouble. When it came to asking them to allow me to do certain things, they would always oppose. It seems that throwing them the whole "I-am-an-A-student" won't work because in some instances your parents do expect you to get good grades and be a good kid. So I would advice you not to do that. This winter holiday I actually went to a cabin and spent a whole weekend together with a couple of friends, in normal circumstances they would of never let me, but I'll give you some tips on how I made it possible. First, you have to recognize which parent you get along with the most. Start confining to them more and just slowly talk to them about the trip. Every time they ask about your friend you can say "Oh she is fine, she is pretty excited about the graduation trip". And you can leave it at that. This way your parents will be conscience how much the trip means to your friends. Don't try to insist on you just going or asking them to think about it. When they see you're handling it better, they will reconsider their choice.Spend time with them, something I notice is that parents sometimes don't really know their kids. Sure they may know what kind of personality you have, but do they really know you? Having a good relationship with your parents is very important, show them what type of music you like, talk to them about school and your friends. Maybe opening up to them will help you in the long run. Invite over your friends if you can so your parents can get comfortable with them even more, and they can see what type of teens they are. Also, make them participate in graduation preparations. This way your parents will see how important graduation is to you and your friends. When April starts rolling in, make sure you have talked to your friends about the trip and planned everything perfectly. Parents like plans, it's more likely for them to approve of something that is neatly planned than the typical, "Hey, I am going to Cali, peace out!". Write in a piece of paper an agenda of what you will do each day, phone numbers and addresses. Make sure a responsible adult with a license will be driving the car. Hopefully these tips will work out, good luck!Tags: parents, relationship, teens, high school, growing up, independent, road trip, graduation, seniors
End of School Stress (Ask A Guy)
Sophie, 18 from United States writes...
Dear Daniel,
Both my boyfriend and I have been really stressed out lately because it's nearing the end of our last year in high school and we're stressing about college admissions and stuff. But he's been kind of distant lately, so I asked him what's up. He told me that he's only been getting a few hours of sleep each night and is so swamped with work and his schoolwork and problems at home with his parents that he just doesn't know what to do anymore. I really want to be supportive and do everything I can for him because he has been having a tough time lately, but I don't know what I can do! Being a guy...what would your advice be? Should I give him some space or try to help him? I'm not quite sure what I can do for him. *frowns* Help!
Daniel says...
The time period from early spring of your senior year in high school until you start college is simultaneously one of the most stressful and carefree periods in your life. The first thing you need to do is enjoy it, but it's understandable that your boyfriend would be feeling the kind of pressure he is. Think of the change that is happening as you sit there. You're getting ready to leave behind everything you've ever known - your friends, your family, your school, and likely many of the activities you enjoy. At the same time, your family (and your boyfriend's family, if you're coming at this from his point of view) are getting ready to say goodbye to their child. If your boyfriend is either the oldest child or the youngest, this emotion will be compounded even further.
So the first step is to understand what's going on. Once you truly grasp the emotional stressors that are happening, you will be better able to help your boyfriend out. As for whether or not you should step in and try to help your boyfriend or stand back and let him handle it on his own, that depends largely on what your boyfriend's personality is. Some guys internalize their problems, process on them, and either come to terms with them or figure out what they can do to fix it. If this is your boyfriend's typical M.O., then stepping in to help probably will not provide any substantive help. In this case, the best thing you can do is just be there for him. Talk to him cheerfully (don't be annoying about it, but you get the idea) and just be a good girlfriend. Buy him a little surprise present (doesn't have to be huge - if there's a Blockbuster near you, they have hundreds of unopened movies on clearance right now...that type of thing). Maybe invite him over for dinner and make him a meal or, better yet, pack up a picnic and have a meal in the park. If your boyfriend internalizes, then the best thing to do is give him brief moments in which he doesn't have to focus on his problems.
Explain that you understand he is stressed out and you aren't trying to trivialize or dismiss his problems...you are just trying to give him little things to cheer him up. If your boyfriend wears his emotions on his sleeve and seeks advice when he struggles with a problem, then this means he is more of an external person. In this case, talk to him about his problems. Ask him questions based on what you know and see if you can get him to open up a little. Give him any thoughts you have on what you might do in a similar situation. If your boyfriend tends to be outward with his thoughts and emotions, you should basically do everything you can do get him to open up even more about his problems. If that's his personality, then internalizing won't help him come to any kind of conclusion or peace with his situation and the key is to get him to open up. So the exact answer depends on what your boyfriend's personality tends toward. But based on these descriptions, it shouldn't be terribly difficult for you to figure out which one your boyfriend is. Good luck!
This article was originally posted by Daniel in April 2009.
Tags: ask a guy, advice, relationships, graduation, end of year stress, supporting your significant other
Where has the Friendship Gone? (Big Sister)
Austin-Bells, 18 writes...
Ok, so me and my best guy friend pretty much had a falling out. We've been good friends for three years. Then all of a sudden he started ditching me or ignoring me all together. Our email/text conversations have dwindled down to one or two word answers. So basically, I wrote him a four page letter about how I felt when our friendship started, when and why I fell for him (we decided to stay good friends) and I felt when he started blowing me off. In the end of the letter was me telling him that he has to tell me whether we're friends or not because I'm tired of trying to figure it out myself. I graduate high school in a few weeks and I want to end things on good terms, but he's never told me how he felt about any of this and I gave him the letter a week ago. He asked to sign my yearbook and I let him and all it said was "Fun times in band, have a good summer." Everybody's telling me to just let it go and end everything with him. But, he's the only person at my school that actually "gets" me so it's hard for me to do. Should I continue waiting or just sever all ties with him?Ivette says...
It sounds like your friend may not know how to react with this whole drama. He probably felt awkward and guilty that he didn't like you back so he decided that the best thing to do is avoid his emotions and avoid you in case you would put him in a future awkward situation. He probably thinks that as long as he avoids you until graduation he will be able to be safe. Instead of sending him notes, confront him directly. We don't want to scare him away or feel more uncomfortable, but if you go up to him and say, "hey what's up? Do you have a couple of minutes? It's not a big deal but I wanted to tell you some stuff," he will have to listen to you. You can start by saying that you think you screwed up a little and that you're sorry if you ever made him feel uncomfortable or awkward. If people are telling you to leave this friend, is because you let them know. So you can apologize and tell him you didn't mean for things to escalate and make it turn into a big drama. You can say that you've moved on and you would hate things to remain awkward between you two. Just leave it at that and hopefully, with some time and space he can come to terms with the situation and slowly start to speak to you. It won't happen in a day but the key is to not make him more uncomfortable than he already is since he seems to be avoiding you because he is scared of the whole ordeal.Tags: advice, big sister, crushes, friends, girl, high school, drama, boy, graduation