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New Relationships (Sex Ed 101)
ImNew@This, 18 writes...
So, never having had a relationship before, I don't really know what to do. The girl I'm dating has had lots of experience and always has to initiate everything, because I don't know what there IS to do. So my questions is this: how can two girls interact romantically? Not going to far as to having sex or anything like that, but what comes after kissing?Brittany says...
Considering I've never been in a relationship with a woman, I'm going to toss this one out to the readers - if you are a woman and have been in a relationship with another woman, care to share your thoughts?
Personally, I'd think a relationship with a woman is the same as having a relationship with a man. You can kiss, you can have oral sex, you can partake in mutual masturbation, and you can have sex. Some people like to think of it in terms of bases, such as you start off as kissing, then first would be going up the shirt, second would be using your hands to pleasure the other person, third would be oral sex, and home would be having actual sex.
It's all up to you and what you're ready for. Talk to your partner and tell her your concerns, I'm sure she'd be more than happy to help you out. I find that most relationships for myself are kind of "go with the flow" and less "oh my God, what comes next!?"
Tags: sex, relationships, kissing, girls, lesbian
Too Shy to Flirt (Big Sister)
terribly shy, 20 writes...
So here is my dilemma. I see myself as a friendly person. It's not hard for me to talk to guys or get along with them. My problem is, I am almost embarrassed to really flirt with the guys I am interested in. I guess I don't really know how to flirt! What is your advice on sending subtle signals that say "I like you a lot" (NOT "I want in your pants" because I am not that kind of girl). How do I get the ball rolling?!Ivette says...
Flirting may be really hard especially when you're a timid person. The best way to start a conversation is with a warm smile! You didn't really specify if you would be flirting with a complete stranger or someone close to you. If it's a friend or classmate, start saying hello to him and smiling. You can also start with some small talk and as a day passes kick it up a notch! When you feel more comfortable you can go into a little more physical contact. Sometimes being playful and silly works too, like poking! You can also have more a gentle touch and occasionally touch their arm if you're talking to them or if you're both sitting down gently tap their shoulder or leg. Be playful and fun! If you're approaching a total stranger the first thing you could do is smile! Approach them with confidence and you can compliment how you like their shoes or sunglasses. Try to shine through your personality and create small talk so the guy can engage. If you see he seems more annoyed than amused excuse yourself politely and call it a day (with that guy, of course!) and move on. Believe it or not there are a lot of friendly people out there and will most likely enjoy the talk. If it seems like things are going on smoothly, gently touch their arm and ask them that you would to hang out with them some time. Try to exchange numbers or emails and remember to always introduce yourself! Hopefully these quick tips will help you and any reader out there with the same dilemma! If you think I left something out, feel free to comment below on extra tips and advice!Tags: advice, relationships, big sister, flirting, love, boys, girls, flirt, timid, shy
Can an Ex Become a Friend? Pt. 2 (Big Sister)
anonymous, 20 writes...
My ex and I met a couple of months ago through friends. When we first met, we had decided that we were going to take things slow and see how it went. We started talking a lot, on a daily basis and we got to know a lot about each other. He told me about his past, including his past relationships, previous mistakes he had made, and we often talked about what he wanted to do in the future with his career and other goals he had in life. I told him about my past relationships as well, and I let him into my life a lot more than I had let anyone else in. There was something about him that made me open up a lot more than I would have with anyone else, and I found myself telling him about how I had been sexually assaulted by my ex boyfriend of seven years, and how he had cheated on me with my friend. We started dating and he introduced me to his mom, his best friends and would call me everyday though he constantly worked and was busy the majority of the time. He would come home late at night and take out the time to call me and see if things were fine. We didn't see each other much because we were busy with work and other priorities but we would try to spend time together as much as we could. He would call during his lunch or his breaks just to check up and and say hi. During that time period, I heard rumors of him still being in touch with his ex girlfriend and when I asked him about it he told me that he hadn't talked to her at all, and that I shouldn't listen to other people. His ex and I have a lot of mutual friends, and I ended up talking to her one day and she told me about how he HAD been in touch with her, and she showed me text messages/phone calls and emails that he had send her. He had even asked her to get back with him. When I called him again, he denied it at first, and I hung up. A few days later, he called me and told me the truth about the situation. Somehow we got past that, and we started dating again. Our relationship was a roller coaster ride, one minute things would be fine another minute it would all go downhill. Every time we would argue, he would want to break up, and he couldn't deal with the "mood swings" I had when I was with him. I had recently found out that I had a cyst in my ovaries and because it was too large I would have had to get it removed because it could be potentially cancerous. Obviously that meant that I could not have kids, and for someone that works in the field of being around children all the time it was a hard thing to hear. He claimed that it wasn't important and that there were so many other options that I shouldn't be upset about it. Last week his ex got in touch with him again, because she wanted to "forgive" him for things that had happened in the past. She told him about things I had said about him, I had been angry at the time and had said harsh things because the situation had reminded me of the past. He got mad at things I had said, and told me that it showed a lot about my character and that he couldn't be with somebody like that. I'm just confused. He still talks to me and says that he isn't "willing" to try to work things out but when we talk thing see the same. Should I just stop talking to him?Ivette says...
This is similar to the idea if can an ex be a friend. In this situation, your feelings were hurt, his feelings were hurt, therefore it will be hard to let go of the notion of the past and move on towards having a normal friendship with him. It really depends what you want out of him. It seems like you still like him and I'm sorry to say this but you guys won't go back together. If you need to get over him, yes, by all means stop talking to him. Don't put yourself through mixed signals and false hope. If you are still willing to have him in your life as only a friend, sure you can, but not now. Right now you're no way capable of dealing with this kind of drama. Focus on your health, and on getting better, surround yourself with friends and family members that will support you through this hard time. Forget about this guy, he didn't have the best interest in mind for your relationship if he was trying to get back with his ex-girlfriend. Don't let his manipulative ways turn things against you, you had ever right to bad mouth him when you find out he was lying and emotionally cheating on you with his ex girlfriend. On the last note, never trust the ex girlfriend of a current boyfriend, they're likely stab you in the back like his did by telling him things he shouldn't have heard.Tags: advice, relationships, big sister, life, guys, ex, friendship, girls, relationship problems, can an ex be a friend
Asking A Guy Out (Big Sister)
Jessabell, 17 writes...
How do you go about asking a guy out on a date?Ivette says...
It really depends on the guy! Some guys may feel a little uncomfortable or some may just be too shy! Either way, it's good to take the risk and ask them on a date if they're not going to do it themselves. Your best bet is to be extra casual about it, especially if they will be uncomfortable with the idea. A simple smile and a "hey we should hang out soon! Can I have your number?" is a great way to start. If you already feel more comfortable with the guy you can start by telling them, "Hey I've heard of this cool movie/restaurant/coffee house, would you like to come with me X Day on X Time to check it out?" They might not even notice it's a date because it just sounds like you want to hang out. This way it won't be awkward if they say no (which I doubt they will) or feel pressure with the whole "I am going on a date" nerves.Tags: advice, relationships, big sister, crushes, friends, guys, dates, girls
Same Sex Dreams (Sweet Dreams)
peonyface, 17 writes...
I have recurring dreams of doing sexual stuff with other girls but I'm not a lesbian. What does this mean?Embarr says...
It's actually not that uncommon for same sex dreams to occur, though they do seem odd if the dreamer is not attracted to other girls in their waking life. A dream like this doesn't usually tell you what your sexual orientation is or who you are really interested in, and it's best not to rely on a dream to decide such a thing anyway. They can be tricky to understand and are definitely not the most stable sources.
These types of dreams usually represent intimacy in your life, as sexual activities are intimate actions. The intimacy in your waking life doesn't have to be a sexual attraction since not all intimacy is of a physical nature. There may be a characteristic in the girl(s) you are dreaming about that you admire and wish to have for yourself. The intimate nature of your dream may even suggest that you are becoming intimate with that characteristic already. You may also wish that you could get to know the actual girls in the dream better than you do. In this case, your dream world would seem to be amplifying the interest a little - perhaps to get your attention or because it was just using what was more easily on hand. The meaning depends on knowing more of what happened in the dreams though, and the emotions that came with them. You can think about the dreams' meanings a little more deeply if you want, using the suggestions here to work from. Good luck!
Tags: sex, sweet dreams, girls, lesbian, dreaming
A Quick Fix (Big Sister)
laila, 17 writes...
Hey! I have a really quick question... I have my first day of work at a new job this coming Monday, and I currently have an enormous, mountain sized pimple on my forehead. I'm not joking. Its huge. Do you have any ideas for a quick-fix so that it won't be as visible on Monday? Thanks a lot, you guys are amazing!Ivette says...
Don't touch it! You don't want it to get worse or infected. I don't know if you have a pimple or a cyst (a pimple is like a zit where you can see the pore and a cyst looks like a massive mosquito bite). Can you see a white dot in the middle? A quick fix if you can, is to get some tweezers and carefully get the white dot and take it out. Make sure you sanitize your tweezers before using them! If you're able to take the white dot out (which is the little crust covering the oil inside the pore pocket) you'll be okay. If there happens to be no white dot, wait out a few days. In the mean time, exfoliate your face! If it's not out yet, don't pop it! You'll just make the area more swollen and irritated. Wash your face with warm water and then place a small hand towel under very hot water. Put the soaked towel on your face and let it sit for five minutes or so. Hopefully that will make your pores unclog and make all the oils inside go out. After you take off the towel from you face, use cold water to close your pores off and seal them so no dirt or other nasty stuff goes in.Tags: advice, big sister, teens, girls, acne, washing your face, pimples, puberty, zits
But He’s Short! (Big Sister)
too tall !, 18 writes...
There's this guy that I met at school and we became really close friends. So close that we had sex and I found myself having feelings for him and he told me he may have feelings too the only problem is he's shorter than me! I think I really have feelings for him but I told him that I needed to stop talking to him because I'm not sure anymore but truthfully I just don't know if I could handle the height. He got mad at me because I hurt him and he stopped talking to me. I was so sad. I missed him so much and during that time I realized how much I cared about having him around. Now that we are friends again he told me he's giving me another chance and for me not to break his heart again. I just haven't told him I'm not comfortable with the height. I also don't want to lose him as a friend. I don't know what to do ! I feel like I'm leading him on because I know I'm probably not going to be with him, but I don't know. Please help!Ivette says...
You know, I don't really know how shorter than you he is but I've seen my share of couples where the girl is slightly taller than her boyfriend, and example would be me and my best friend too. Honestly, if his height bothered you this much, you shouldn't have slept with him, because that only made him think you liked him too. If you really had feelings for him, height shouldn't be one of the deciding factors if you want to be with him or not. You're most likely going to lose him as a friend because of the mixed signals. Try to be nice to him and tell him that you made a mistake and you are sorry for it, that you didn't intend to break his heart and that you really don't want to lose him. Another thing, stop leading him on. That's not going to help your case. If you don't. he still will think you like him, so if you want him to think otherwise, be civil and polite, and treat him as a friend. Being all flirty with him will make his heart break again because he'll have hope in being with you. If you need to stop talking to him a while, then do. Playing with someone's feelings like that is not nice and you need to understand that people have feelings and feel the same crappy way you do when you're upset.Tags: sex, advice, big sister, crushes, relationship, guys, hooking up, crush, friendship, girls
Keeping things…not Dry (Big Sister)
Anonymous, 2009 writes...
Hey, when I hang out with my bf we generally just chill and play guitar or I go to his band practice. Recently we've been doing a lot of kissing and he likes to... let's just say eat the makeup off of my face. He is a very wet kisser and overuses tongue. While he's picked up that it's not my thing, I still end up with serious cotton mouth and when we venture into a little more intimate areas my mouth is dry. Any tips to keep moist?Ivette says...
Your best bet is to just take little breaks and drink water. You need to keep hydrated especially during these summer days, and you will also avoid having a dry mouth. If it's too much for you, tell him! Teach him how to kiss your way. It's not fun when they slobber all over your face or shove their tongue into your throat. Teach him, and with time he will be a better kisser.Tags: advice, relationships, big sister, kissing, dating, guys, girls