Freedom
Flag (Prosers & Poets)
Lindsay, 16 from Florida writes...
FlagThe flag is a but a symbolic banner
yet its true meaning we lack
and the allegiance has become
but a meaningless act
I shall not pledge
to this striped piece of linen
if its all that keeps me citizen
to a government that pushes control
I can no longer let myself be a victim of its choke hold
Leave me be
to express freedom on my own
its not the flag that bestows it
through it stars sewn
but by my own existence
in which god rightfully owns
Tags: poetry, flag, freedom, patriotism
A Little Freedom, Please… (Ask A Guy)
Steph, 21 from United States writes...
Hi Daniel, I have a question about my boyfriend's huge problem with the idea of me going clubbing with some girl friends. I have never been before (neither has my boyfriend), and I would like to see what it's all about. Given his reservations about me going, which I guess has something to do with assuming other guys will grind against me or something, I told him we could check it out together. I even offered the suggestion of going to a gay club to avoid the creepy guys, but instead he is still obsessing over how I'm just going to end up wanting to go "all the time" and thinks I would only bring him there to test the water and then go crazy. Even if that were the case, I don't know why it would bother him, at a *gay* club.
The thing is, my main motivation for going is that I enjoy dancing to loud rave-style music, especially in a big group of people, and it generally seems like it would be a good time with the whole ambiance. Even if it ended up being fun, I would never go regularly anyway since I'm cheap and a typical club outing ends up costing about $30 after you include the entrance fee, cab, etc. I'm also quite a hermit most of the time and rarely go out, so I'm even more confused as to why the idea of me even just checking it out and maybe going a couple times a year bothers him so much. I find the situation very frustrating, because even if I casually bring up that one of my friends is heading out for the night, he gets upset at the mere mention of the idea of "clubbing," even if I don't have any urge to go that given night. Again, I go "out" only a few times a year, and only even have a couple drinks once a month tops, despite all my other 21+ friends at college being out once or twice every week.
I'm not jealous, I am just merely trying to point out that, compared to other people, I'm pretty tame. The situation isn't helped by the fact that my boyfriend is clinically depressed, so he ends up in negative spiraling cycles, but I really don't understand why this is a big deal at all. Since I know I wouldn't go that often even if it seemed fun, and I have zero intentions to dance with any other guys, what do you think could be the problem? And am I being unreasonable in being annoyed at my boyfriend? If he's going to make such a big deal out of it I don't think the hassle of going would even be worth it, since I'm more curious than anything, but I don't want to feel like I'm being unreasonably controlled either. Thanks for any insight you can provide!
Daniel says...
Let's not get carried away here. The main issue here has nothing (or very little) to do with the idea of you clubbing. This has everything to do with the fact that your boyfriend is clinically depressed and trying to manipulate your behavior. If you enjoy going out and dancing on occasion, then that is who you are. If your boyfriend has a problem with that, then he either needs to get over himself or get a new pair of shoes so he can hit the road. At 21 years old, you are who you are. Your personality has more or less developed and, from the sounds of things, it's not like this desire to check out a club or two has come out of nowhere. It's part of your personality.
If you were 35, had been married for ten or twelve years, had never expressed any desire to go out before, and the hermetic Steph was the person your boyfriend/husband had met and fallen in love with, then this would be a much trickier subject. Your boyfriend doesn't have the right to control your every action and you shouldn't give him that right. From where I sit, it sounds like your boyfriend has some serious issues. His depression is most certainly affecting his relationship with you and I hope he is seeing a counselor to deal with his depression. If he's not, then he needs to. If he is, then this is certainly an issue that should be discussed there. But the bottom line, as it pertains to you, is that you are well within your rights to expect to be able to have a night out with the girls every once in a while. If your boyfriend doesn't trust you to want to come home to him at the end of the night, then maybe you aren't the right person for him...but it doesn't sound like you have ever even come close to doing anything to betray his trust. He needs to lighten up.
This article was originally posted by Daniel in May 2009.
Tags: ask a guy, advice, relationships, communication, trust, freedom