Drugs
Drama (Big Sister)
xbreathe., 14 writes...
So I just moved to a new city over the summer to live with my dad. And I started hanging out with these four guys that lived in my neighborhood. We'll call them James, Christopher, Colton, and Cade. James asked me out a few days after I met them and I said no, because I don't really like him like that. So he said we could still be friends and everything, but I felt really bad. So a few weeks after that, I started dating Cade. Then James, Christopher, and Colton told me a bunch of bad stuff about him, so I was going to break up with him the next time we talked. So that night, me, James, Christopher, and Colton got really drunk. I ended up making out with Colton and giving Christopher and James blowjobs. I know, it was horrible. So we were all best friends after that. And then, me and Christopher got in a huge fight one day and didn't make up for a few days. They kept making me mad, so everyone was mad, and it was just a huge mess. And then Colton started hanging out more with his other friend, we'll call him Cameron. I used to know Cameron a few years ago, and I had a huge crush on him then, and of course one developed. I didn't try to get with him or anything though, because he had a girlfriend at the time. But then, him and his girlfriend (they dated for a year) broke up and she started dating another guy. So one day, me and Cameron ended up texting and he wanted to know who I liked, so I told him it was him. That afternoon, after school, we ended up hooking up. And then the day after that, we did too. And then that weekend he had to go somewhere, and when he came back he asked me out. And I was ecstatic. Like, you have no idea. Well, I ended up almost getting drug tested, and it was another huge mess, and my parents were being psycho, and he stuck by me through everything. And then that weekend was homecoming. We hadn't even been dating for a week, but I ended up losing my virginity to him that night. And then for two weeks everything was perfect, and then one day he broke up with me. I don't even want to talk about that, so we'll skip ahead a few days. James and Christopher hated me, and I still don't know why. But whatever. Cameron still wanted to talk to me, but I was just so..I couldn't even look at him without just completely breaking down. And then, he had a new girlfriend. I was so upset, I don't even remember the days after I found out. And then one day, Colton (who had been there for me through all of this) messaged me on myspace out of the blue bitching me out for calling Cameron's new girlfriend a slut. And I didn't. So then him and Cameron and Colton's sister called me and bitched at me, and Colton said he was never gonna talk to me again. And then a few days later, I discovered that everyone is calling me a slut (which I suppose is well-earned) and a crackhead, which I suppose is logical since I did do a lot of drugs. I don't smoke crack though, so I don't know where they got that from. And I really just don't know what to do. I lost my best friends, my sister hates me, I don't know what to do, I can't stop doing drugs, I practically can't even function sober. I can't stop cutting and I can't do anything right and I just want to rewind and never even talk to Cameron, because I am so in love with him and I can't deal with it, and I need him back, I can't live without him. He was so perfect and I don't know what I'm supposed to do without him always being there for me no matter what. And everyone at school hates me and I just don't know how to deal with this. Please just tell me what to do.Ivette says...
I would certainly start by writing a letter to the government and insisting them to invest in time travel research. Now, I will be realistic and take this unreal situation into account and try my best to sort things out for you. These are the facts: you built up that reputation, now you have to clean it up. First, we will start with your friends. Those boys don't seem like a nice bunch of friends to be hanging out with, if you want your self-destructive behavior to subside you need to get rid of those around you that aren't in it for you. Fake friends are always a hassle so don't bother with them, these boys seem to be using you as a little doll to play with instead of a person. Second, your ex-boyfriend. He's your ex-boyfriend for a reason. Sure, he may have made the decision to break up with you but maybe in reality it would have been better for you. He obviously moved on and you should have too, the second you saw him dating a new girl. Lastly, you have to change your ways. Find a doctor and I am sure he would gladly referred you to a clinic where they could help you psychologically, emotionally and physically. Cutting and doing drugs are not going to get you anywhere, even if you think it's making you feel better, in the long run it won't. If you do this, you will be able to gain your dignity, self-esteem and respect back. It certainly won't be easy, but in order to get better you need to help yourself.Tags: sex, advice, big sister, drama, being used, drugs, you really screwed up, go back in time, low self-esteem
Problems With His Mom (Ask A Guy)
SableT, 22 writes...
I have been with my boyfriend for over two years now. I spent over a year getting my boyfriend completely clean. No drugs, alcohol, or smoking of any kind. So I don't want him around old friends or anyone that does drugs. The problem is, his mom smokes weed and crack. She has been doing it for years. She treated my boyfriend and his little sister like crap and basically took food from their mouths and sold it to buy drugs. We constantly fight because he wants to have a relationship with her but she is still doing drugs. I don't want him around her because of this.
Lately, she has been asking him to take her places because she doesn't have a car. But any other day she gets a ride from a friend. It started out as just taking her somewhere once a month but now it's becoming more of a habit. She makes sure to ask him to take her somewhere on his days off, that way he can't say he's busy. He can't see that she is just using him for a ride. I don't doubt that she loves him but any other time she has nothing to do with him.
When he lived with her they fought everyday and she treated him like crap. Now all of a sudden he wants to help her, but two years ago he wanted to get away from her. He thinks her addiction is nothing serious. Basically, he says what she does is her business. She is known around town as a crack head and everyone knows her lifestyle. I don't want to be associated with her because of her reputation and I wish my boyfriend would stop raising her already. Even his dad said his best to stay away from her. We constantly fight over her. If she would clean up her act I wouldn't care, but by him going around her he is risking getting in trouble. He doesn't see it that way, though. He thinks that if she isn't smoking it around him then there's nothing wrong with him being around her.
We are in the process of looking for a house to rent. I don't want his mom to know where it is because I know she is going to start coming around looking for a place to crash. She lives with a friend of hers right now but no one knows how long that will last. I don't want her in my house or around it. Most people I talk to say it is good that he is no longer around her because she's bad news. He argues with me and says, "she's still my mom and I need to help her." Well, I'm not willing to help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. She is constantly looking for a handout. She's 48 and has no house, no car, and can't keep a job because either she steals from the register or she disappears for weeks to get high. I feel bad that it's his mom but I cannot help that.
Am I wrong for not wanting him around her? I am to the point of not wanting to be with him anymore because he is trying to make his mother a part of "our" lives. He said that if I cannot accept that he is going to help her sometimes then we should break up. What should I do?
Daniel says...
I think you know precisely what you should do. Think about the drama, the emotion, the pain, and the arguments that have occurred between the two of you all because of his mother. To a certain extent, he is right...she is his mother and he will always have a certain devotion to her. It's a common belief that someone can criticize their own mother but the second their partner or friend jumps into the fold and starts criticizing too, it ignites a defensive reaction. You don't have the history with his mom to be able to have the same serious opinions he does. Yes, you can see what's going on, but his own instincts to defend her are kicking in. The fact that he is still defending her and not realizing that she is bad for him are a clear indication that he is not ready for a more serious relationship.
The two of you have some very serious issues to work out before you should even consider moving in together. The first, and perhaps most important, is how to handle his mom. If the two of you live together, it's both of your houses. That gives each of you an equal share in the decision about whether or not his mom can find out where you live. In other words, you don't have ultimate veto power to make this decision and neither does he. You have to work together to figure out what the best way to handle the situation is. Whether it's a decision that she's not allowed around whenever you're home (or will be home) or some other arrangement, the two of you have to work together and communicate to figure out what that is. And you need to do it before you sign any kind of lease.
But I seriously question whether the two of you can be together long-term. He has led a very difficult life and drugs will always be a part of his life, in part because of his mom but in part because of his own behavior. You have to ask yourself whether this guy really meets the qualifications you desire in a mate.
Tags: ask a guy, advice, relationships, communication, drugs, mom issues