Dating
Summer Date Ideas (Ask A Guy)
Now that summer is fully upon us, it seems appropriate to investigate the myriad summer date ideas that are available for just a select few months each year. Summer is a great time of year for relationships, because all the indoor activities that are available during the winter are still available, but a boatload of outdoor activities are out there, too. In fact, with the exception of a few cold weather activities (snowshoeing, anyone?) it is difficult to come up with too many things you can't do during the summer that are available during the winter.
Perhaps the most difficult or stressful thing about planning a date is the money involved. Most jobs for teenagers and early twentysomethings don't pay particularly well and, given the current state of the economy, it’s silly to fault anyone for watching their money a bit more tightly than you have in the past. But fear not, dear readers! Whether you're all about the Roosevelts, the Hamiltons, the Benjamins, or somewhere in between we have date ideas for you!
Free
A great free date idea is to take advantage of some of the natural wonders that are all around us. For readers in the United States, there are state parks spread literally all over. It's tough to miss them. Many state parks don't charge entry fees for daytime use (only charging fees if you camp overnight) and even some national parks can be accessed without having to spend any money. Rocky Mountain National Park is one example that comes to mind. Aside from this, most areas have a county park system that opens up even more possibilities.
Find one of these parks and plan a little day hike with your significant other. The goal with all of these dates is to spend time with one another; we're not trying to reinvent the wheel here. A day hike is a great idea because it gets the two of you out together, gets you active, and releases endorphins. This release of endorphins (your body's natural "happy drug") will ensure the two of you have an even better time together. Plus, you'll be doing something that is healthy.
If you want to inject a little competition into the proceedings, do a little research before you leave. Find five plants, animals, or other critters that are native to the park you are visiting. Then play a little game: keep track of the first person to find an example of each of those five critters. Whoever finds more gets treated on your next date!
What about folks living in other countries, you might ask? In today's society, just about every country spends money on some public park and recreation system. In some areas there are even some highly impressive parks sponsored by smaller levels of government.
If you're looking for some areas you can hike, start by Googling something like "state parks [desired location]' or "free hiking [desired location]".
Cheap
Borrowing on the local park idea from the "Free" date section, a slightly more expensive (but still cheap) date idea is to find a local park and plan a picnic for the two of you. Get a blanket, Pick out a few things that you think your significant other might like to eat and put a meal together. The neat thing about the picnic idea is that you don't even need a park that's as large as that which is required for hiking; a simple city park a few blocks down the road will do quite nicely.
The old adage is quite true that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. If you keep a guy fed, he's generally going to be a happy guy. Is that putting guys in a box? Sure, but the box is an accurate description of the way the male mind works. And for the guys reading this, don't kid yourselves. If you've been fed, you're almost always in a better mood than if you haven't been.
In addition to keeping your guy happy, guys can't help but be impressed when a girl plans a meal (or any kind of date, really). Plus, putting together a picnic means a girl shows off her hostess skills. Every guy wants a girl he can "take home to mom" and the ability to entertain your guy for a couple hours definitely helps fill that image in his mind.
Last, but certainly not least, any meal a guy doesn't have to think about or plan himself is a meal that makes him a very happy camper!
Moderate
In many parts of the country, summer means one thing: state fair time! Even if your state fair isn't near your area of the state, every county has a local fair at some point during the summer and some places, county fairs are every bit as good (or better) than the state fairs.
For a moderate entry fee, your state or county fair provides hours upon hours of entertainment. There are exhibits, product demonstrations, flea markets, grandstand shows, and all kinds of crazy contests and competitions that can keep you busy for days.
Some fairs even have nightly stock car racing and horse racing. And there's something strangely exciting about watching a bunch of junky-looking cars run around a dirt race track smacking into one another over and over and over again.
Of course, what's a fair without fair food?! The food is relatively inexpensive and you can find just about anything you might want (mac and cheese on a stick, anyone?). Spend a day walking around, doing a little people-watching, gorging yourself on unhealthy (but oh, so good) food, and close the night out with a show or concert...what an exciting day!
And for those of you who don't have a state or county fair nearby, there are almost always local festivals. For example, Enderlin, North Dakota is home to the Annual Sunflower Festival.
Expensive
For those looking to spend a little more money, summer is a great time for outdoor concerts. Imagine sitting outside on a warm summer evening, with a light breeze blowing through a beautiful amphitheater. Onto the stage below you walks one of your favorite artists who proceeds to jam out for two hours or more. What a great evening!
There are many great bands out there that perform in summer tours - and some of the tours perform exclusively at outdoor venues. Dave Matthews Band is a prime example. For about 15 years, Dave Matthews Band has toured the country performing at outdoor amphitheaters at nearly every stop. If country is more your thing, Brad Paisley is another artist who performs a significant number of summer shows at outdoor venues - and despite your feelings about country music, watching Brad Paisley play the guitar is worth the price of admission itself!
If you decide to go to an outdoor concert, take a couple bottles of water with you (and don't open them before you get inside the venue). Most places will check bags these days and will confiscate any already-open containers, regardless of their contents. Make sure to check the beverage policy for the venue to see if you are going to be able to bring your own refreshments or if you'll have to pony up for the water they sell inside the gates.
Extravagant
Some of you lucky souls have way more money than I did as a teenager! For those of you who are fortunate enough to have a little more money, a great summer date idea is to go to an amusement park or water park together. Get your hearts pounding on a great roller coaster or challenge one another to a competition in skeeball. If you're really competitive, pick five games and see which of you can win three of them.
If a water park is more your thing, most places have identical slides on which you could race one another. And if you're running around in your swimsuits, you have to spend quite a bit of time flirting with one another - to miss that opportunity would be unforgivable!
The key in all these suggestions is to say that, no matter what, you should not let one of the most beautiful times of year go to waste. Get out and enjoy some time together.
Tags: ask a guy, dating, date ideas, favorites
Lovin’, Touchin’ ... (Ask A Guy)
Danyelle, 13 from California writes...
I have this guy friend and we've known each other four years now. Lately, every time I'm with him he always has his friend David over and they always talk to me about what they do and want to do with girls. It makes me kind of uncomfortable. But last week I started to go out with David and now that I know what he wants it kind of bugs me. He is a great boyfriend but I don't want all of my soon-to-be boyfriends to be like that. He is just so touchy - and not in the emotional way. So you're a guy, what do you think I should do? Should I take this seriously, or just forget about it?
Daniel says...
If you aren't sure you like this guy's outlook toward the fairer sex, then why are you dating him?!?! Fortunately, at 13 years old, it seems as though you have the right outlook on the relationship. You reference "soon-to-be boyfriends" in your question and, in doing so, imply that you aren't dead set on this relationship lasting forever. This is a good thing, because relationships at 13 are about having fun, getting to know people, and getting at least some idea what you are looking for in a relationship. So your current relationship has proven valuable in at least one respect: you know you want a guy with a modicum of respect for women. You want someone who is averse to discussing his exploits with women (whether real or imagined).
It's clear this guy is driven by one head - and it's not the one on his shoulders. Keep in mind that most teenage guys are as horny as a 90-year old Gila Monster. If you are seriously uncomfortable with this fact, then you have a choice to make. Either you can end things with him and hope to find someone a little less "hormonally-inspired" or you can sit down and have an honest, earnest discussion with him. You probably aren't going to completely alter his behavior (or his mind), but you may get him to back off a bit. After an extended period of behaving in a certain way, there's a chance he may come to appreciate that viewpoint. But don't get your hopes up too high. If you try to change your guy too much, he will eventually become unhappy with the way you expect him to behave.
Are Boyfriends Necessary? (Ask A Guy)
mackensie, 16 from United States writes...
I am just a girl, but I'm not like the other ones in my grade. They think that having a boyfriend is the MOST important thing in the world...and, well, I don't. I mean, I go out almost every weekend on a date, but I am getting the feeling that some of my friends are thinking I am some kind of a whore. But I'm not. I just go out to have a fun time. What do you think I should do? Should I stick to one guy or...well, I can't think of another answer!?!?!Daniel says...
It sounds like you're dealing with a case of jealousy on the part of your friends (whose harassment calls into question whether they are truly "friends"). You don't seem to have a problem attracting guys and they take you on dates. You indicate that you're not jumping into bed with these guys, so the fact that you don't commit to one guy and date only him probably irks these girls because they can't get guys in the same way. It's an unfortunate rule among some girls that their inability to attract a guy automatically means that anyone who can must be doing something questionable in order to do so. The fact of the matter is, you shouldn't commit to one guy unless you think he's awesome. In fact, my personal belief is that your approach to relationships is appropriate - whether you're in high school, college, or beyond. You go on a date with a guy if he seems mildly interesting and (presumably) go on additional dates if you continue to find him interesting. Too often high school relationships jump from "Hi, my name is ____" to "will you be my boyfriend/girlfriend" without enough time spent getting to know one another in between. It certainly doesn't sound like you are going to have that problem.Tags: ask a guy, dating, jealousy, relationship approaches
Man of the Year (Ask A Guy)
Gale Patrice Carter, 51 from Tennessee writes...
I used to date this guy in the early 90's. He is ten years younger than I am. I am an attractive, independent woman and our age difference never mattered. I still look good. I take good care of myself. Somehow, we became separated. Anyway, I got married and he went off to prison in 2001. He was gone for about six or seven years. I ran into him in March 2008. We saw each other for a little while and stopped again for about six months. At the time, I was separated from my current husband, and he and I decided to get back together. That lasted for six months until we separated again.
I ran back into him but all I can tell is that he is needy he never has any money. He doesn't make a lot of money at his job, but I always have to give something to him for gas to come and see me. He asks for food and he has borrowed money and hasn't paid me back as promised. He has a very bad temper and is verbally abusive. He can be physically abusive as well. He loves to go out to these hole-in-the-wall clubs and is labeled a drunk. I try to understand him and help as much as I can, but what to do? Do I need to leave this man alone?
Daniel says...
In the annals of "obvious solutions" this one has to take the cake. Set aside the issues with your ex-husband. You married him and it sounds like you made every reasonable effort to save your marriage. For that you should be commended. Unfortunately, it sounds like you haven't been so thoughtful with regard to your current relationship. This guy leaches off you, "borrows" money from you, has never paid you back, and is physically and verbally abusive toward you. Staying with him is not only bad for you, it's self-destructive. I understand that women often want to "fix" the things wrong with the guy they are with. Women want to believe in the good in the guys they choose to devote themselves to. You have fallen into the same trap countless other women have, but the difference is, you know full-well what is wrong with this situation and you know what it takes to fix it. Leave this guy, and stand up for yourself. You may not need to worry about maintaining the respect of others or what your parents, friends, or family will think of you, but you should still be concerned about your own happiness and well-being. Getting this guy out of your life will be the best way to ensure that happiness.Tags: ask a guy, advice, relationships, dating, romance, history
Friendly - With Motives (Ask A Guy)
Alex, 21 from Ontario writes...
Hi Daniel!
I've been having some trouble with a guy. About a month ago, he basically rejected me when I came out in the open about my interest in him. He said he had just gotten out of a relationship and wasn't looking for anything serious. I readily accepted this and moved on with my life. However, after about two weeks he randomly reappeared and started showing interest in me, complimenting me subtly, and asking me questions out of the blue like, "what do you look for in a guy?" He invited me to go to this recreational volleyball thing with him and appeared to be extremely excited about it. He talked to me the whole day from work but then texted me later that night saying he had to stay at work to finish some report but that we'd go to volleyball the next time.
The next time, however, he didn't want to go because of some lame excuse about the players and that we wouldn't get to play on the same team because of the way teams get picked (blah, blah, blah). The following week I was upset about something and he really wanted to hear about it, so I told him, and he was surprisingly attentive and understanding. When I mentioned I didn't want to be home that night to deal with my familial problems he said, "maybe we can go for ice cream." So we talked on the phone when he left work and he said he'd call me when he got home and sorted his night out, but he never ended up calling! I texted him afterward and he replied saying he "fell asleep". I was really angry and expressed this, though he didn't seem too sorry. Two days later, he called me out of the blue and apologized, saying he felt bad, etc., etc. We had a nice conversation and then he said volleyball "might" be happening the next day and that he'd call me to confirm. Again, he never called. I'm really not sure what he's doing. Is he playing games? Is he just looking for attention? Is he confused? I know he works full-time and has a crazy and busy life, but I think this is disrespectful nevertheless - even if you have to cancel, you can still call! I don't really understand what his intentions are. I don't think he's just being friendly, since I have plenty of male friends and I know that's not how they work. What's going on?
Daniel says...
You're right about one thing. This guy isn't being friendly, he's being downright rude. It sounds like he is using your obvious interest in him as an excuse to walk all over you and play games with your head. Look at his behavior over the past few months and it is fairly easy to see a pattern in his behavior. First, he flatters you. He calls you up or approaches you, says all kinds of nice things to you and convinces you he is genuinely interested in getting to know you better. Then, he offers a chance for the two of you to hang out together. After you accept, he neglects to get in touch with you or plan further for your suggested get-together. Finally, the cycle starts all over again when he apologizes and begins flattering you once more. It's as predictable as it is sad (for him). The part that you need to take control of is the part where you agree to hang out with him. Right now, you're available to him and willing to hang out every time he gives you a chance. Change that fact. Next time he asks you out, simply respond that you are unavailable. If he asks you out again, give him the same reply. One of two things will be accomplished by following this course of action. If he is interested in you and simply has a really, really strange way of showing it, then he will take this as a sign that he needs to pursue you with more effort. But if he is not interested in you, he will most assuredly take this as a sign that you have lost your interest in him and move on to try his luck at torturing someone else. If a guy is just playing mind games with you, then he doesn't want to have to work at it.Tags: ask a guy, advice, relationships, dating, poor friends
Let’s Go Camping! (Ask A Guy)
Kari, 22 from Arizona writes...
Hey Daniel! Love the page!
Here is my dilemma. I have gone out with this guy I met at school quite a few times. Things seem to be going well. My friends all love him and want me to invite him on a camping trip we are taking at the end of the month. Will this freak him out? I thought if I said my friends want him to come it may not. I guess my question is how can I word the invite so that he doesn't get scared? Or should I invite him at all?
Daniel says...
You're worried about moving too fast and you're worried for very good reason. You certainly don't want to give the wrong impression and you want to make sure you know a guy well enough to understand how he will react to such a proposition before you offer it to him. What you need to ask yourself right now is what kind of message you are interested in sending to him. If the two of you have been intimate, then inviting him on a camping trip will give him the impression that you are interested in moving things along even further. On the other hand, if the two of you haven't yet been intimate, it is possible he may take this as an indication that you would like to move things along a little further. I don't think you will "freak him out" or scare him by inviting him on a camping trip. Depending on his personality and how quickly he likes to take things, he may wonder why you are asking and whether or not it is a little soon for such a step, though. But, bottom line, he will be flattered that you are so interested in him. So if you are interested in really pursuing the idea of a camping trip, then you need to consider how to present this to him. Start by telling him about the trip, about your friends who are going, and stress that it's a chance for you and your friends to hang out and have fun together. Mention that both guys and girls will be in attendance and everyone is looking forward to just relaxing. At that point, you can tell him you think it would be fun if he would come along and that you and your friends think it would be fun to have him along. Whatever you do, don't single out your friends as having asked if he could come. This could potentially send the message that you either don't care or are only asking him because you've been goaded into it by your friends. By telling him that you and your friends want him to come along, you will be able to indicate this is a group consensus and not just the actions of one or two people. Plus, it will help to develop a genuine sense of belonging between him and your friends - that sense of belonging is crucial to keeping your relationship happy.Tags: ask a guy, advice, relationships, dating, getting to know one another
Long Lost Love? (Ask A Guy)
kels, 19 from United States writes...
When I was 15 years old I fell in love with my best friend. I was the only girl he would ever talk to at school and he always seemed happy to see me. I thought he was my best friend at least, but I must have been wrong because one day out of the blue he stopped talking to me. This summer, after many years, we reconnected. I was too chicken to ask him in person why he stopped talking to me and tried to make my life miserable for so many years, so I asked through a text. He said, "there wasn't a flat-out reason, but we were getting too close. I just wanted to be friends, and I got scared." For some reason, I don't buy the fact that he just wanted to be friends. Later on in our texting he said, "I'm sorry for hurting you, if I did."
We agreed to talk more about it later, however, he left for college today and we never ended up talking about it. I am not sure how to take all of this. Does he still want the just friends status? I think I am a pretty hard girl to read because I really don't think I am good at hinting and I never catch hints myself. Now that college is starting back up I am getting this overwhelming sensation that I missed my opportunity once again. I don't know what to do, and I think it's making me sick.
Daniel says...
The main issue here is that this guy didn't appear to know what he wanted when he started getting close to you. Perhaps there was a period in which he thought he wanted a relationship with you and he then changed his mind. Or perhaps he never really wanted a relationship and was just having fun with a friend. His behavior seems to indicate he thought he wanted a relationship, though. You indicate that you are not usually someone who does a very good job of picking up on hints (or giving them yourself), and the fact that you thought he might have feelings for you is a pretty strong indication he probably did feel that way. Maybe things went too far in his mind or things developed too quickly, but something scared him away. Guys don't just turn tail and run for years at a time. Guys may shy away and communicate less regularly, but they don't drop off the face of the earth.
When your friend said "things were getting too close," what he really meant was that he suddenly realized things were too close. When someone has an inkling something is wrong, they steel themselves against the potential reaction and prepare an exit plan. But things are markedly different when someone wakes up one day and says, "oh sh*t!" That typically results in a knee-jerk reaction that is more serious than they would like. After a while, it was probably just easy to stay away. When someone hurts someone else, there is naturally a period of awkwardness. Given his reaction, it is very likely he had some concept of just how badly he hurt you. Because of this self-awareness, he ran away and just stayed away.
Simply having him re-enter your life does not mean he wants a relationship. In fact, my instincts tell me it is quite the opposite. He probably felt comfortable talking to you again and restarting your friendship. But given the amount of time the two of you were out of contact, piecing things back together would be fairly difficult.
Tags: ask a guy, advice, relationships, dating, lost love
Can’t Find A Date (Ask A Guy)
Unloved, 14 from California writes...
Hi Daniel! Love your page! Anyway, lots of boys have asked me out, and lots of boys like me. But I don't like any of them. The ones I do like, though, don't seem to like me. Any boy who I like doesn't seem to have any interest in me at all. Can there be a reason for this?
Daniel says...
Welcome to the dating world! I say that because your concerns are not at all unique. Why do you suppose there are so many single people out there? Because at some point in time everyone (and I do mean everyone) struggles from the same issue you are experiencing. It's the nature of human relations that we will get along with some people, we won't get along with others and we'll think some people are really cool who won't think we're equally cool. Whether you are talking about a platonic relationship or a romantic one, the magic happens when we "click" with someone - when someone thinks we're just as cool as we think they are.
When someone can't find that "right" person to match up with, they are single. Maybe they aren't really looking for that special someone or maybe they are looking desperately, but if dating was a matter of seeing someone and jumping into a relationship, we would probably all marry the first girlfriend or boyfriend we have when we are in preschool. But relationships are complex and a lot changes as we grow and mature.
Another important point to make is that you shouldn't be actively looking for your next crush or relationship. Relationships happen and if you hunt high and low for your next boyfriend, you will give off an air of desperation. That air will likely cause you to attract precisely the type of guys you aren't really attracted to. These guys will have a higher-than-normal concentration of predators who look for girls who need a relationship and will do anything to keep the relationship once they have it. Don't be one of those girls, though! If you're happy with yourself, you won't have to look for a relationship. You can have friends, hang out, have fun, and be yourself without worrying about whether a guy likes you. Eventually, this attitude will start attracting the type of self-confident, respectful guys who are looking for a girl who is similarly-inclined. This is the type of relationship that has the necessary foundation to be a healthy, prosperous one.
Tags: ask a guy, advice, relationships, dating, boys
Just Words Until You Take Action (Ask A Guy)
Annie, 19 from Massachusetts writes...
I want to talk to this guy I like about dating. I am pretty sure he likes me back because I feel like he hints at it. However, I never realize it until later. And every time I seem to get decently close to a guy I always push them away and never let them know how I feel. This seems to always happen and I really want to talk to him about possibly dating. I am just not sure how to approach the subject and I don't know if it's a bad idea to do it. However, I figure the worst that could happen is he would say "no" and I think our friendship can bounce back from it if he said no.
Daniel says...
Imagine a friend came up to you and said, "hey, we should date!" Regardless of how well the two of you know one another and how smoothly he raised the topic, you would realize that was precisely what he was saying. How would you feel? I'm guessing you'd feel a little strange about the entire situation. And that's because you don't talk to someone "about dating." When you like someone enough that you decide you want to make a move, you make a move. You don't just talk to them about it!
Rather than having a long, drawn out (not to mention uncomfortable) discussion about your "feelings" and other totally un-male things like that, ask him on a date yourself! It doesn't have to be labeled as such, but plan a chance for the two of you to hang out together. Make it something fun and engaging that will allow the two of you to talk but also provide an activity for the two of you to do that will help keep any awkward silences to a minimum. Be sure to watch for a future article on Crush Zone for some great first date ideas!
As you move beyond the first "date" and into future activities, try to plan things that he mentions he would like to do and activities that are gradually more intimate. If things go well, the two of you will fall into a position in which talking about a relationship is just natural. But don't try to force it without actually pursuing something first!
Tags: ask a guy, advice, relationships, dating, crushes
Crushing on a Best Friend’s Ex (Big Sister)
000, 13 writes...
My big sister is away at college and I need help! My best friend (we'll call her Jill) was dating this guy (who we'll call Jack). They broke up over the summer and now they don't see each other at all during the day. I however have several classes with Jack and I'm developing a crush on him and I'm pretty sure he likes me too. He flirts with me constantly and everybody asks us if we're dating. I would love to be able to say yes to that question, but Jill told me today that she still likes Jack. What should I do?amanda says...
That's definitely a tricky situation. Think about if the roles were reversed and how you would feel if you were Jill. Especially since she still likes him. Sometimes friendships are more important than boys. If you and Jack start dating, your friendship with Jill will never be the same. I know you can't control who you like, but are you sure that Jack is completely over Jill? It would be weird if he still had feelings for her (like she has for him). Take things slow and if he asks you, tell him the truth. You can say that you think he's nice but it's too soon after he was with Jill to be officially dating. It will be hard, but that's what true friends are.Tags: dating, boyfriend, ex, bestfriend