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What About Love?
My boyfriend of a year and half is a great guy. He's kind and caring. I know he would never cheat on me and he is trustworthy. I was in love with him, I think I still am, but the fact that I'm questioning it scares me. We've been fighting over stupid things a lot lately and I tried breaking up with him because I've just been unhappy for months. He begged me not to leave him and we got back together that night. It seems the only time I'm happy is when I'm actually in his presence. Otherwise, I constantly think about breaking up with him. I've also been thinking about other guys. I want to break up. I just don't know how without completely destroying him. He's been hurt really badly in the past by his only other girlfriend. What should I do?
Dazed and Confused | age 19 | Texas | November 18, 2009
Daniel says...
In your heart of hearts you have already made up your mind and the only reason you are writing here is to obtain some sort of reassurance that your decision to break up with your boyfriend is the correct one. Well, it is. You are already emotionally checked out of the relationship. Your boyfriend doesn't realize this yet only because he doesn't want to realize it. Unfortunately, there isn't any easy way to break up with your boyfriend "without completely destroying him." The best thing for you to do would be to be completely honest with him. Tell him what is on your mind and stick to your guns. Don't give him the chance to beg; say your piece, make sure he understands what you are telling him (with clear and succinct reasons for your decision) and then leave. He will need time to accept your decision. In the end, it will be easier on both of you if you just tell him the truth.
As he starts to synthesize what you have told him, he will start to see what was really wrong with the relationship. And that will only occur because you tell him the truth. Lying to him, placing all the blame on yourself, or sugar-coating things will only hide things from him and prolong his pain. Think of it like ripping off a Band-Aid compared to pulling it off very slowly. Which would you prefer? I know I would rather have the Band-Aid ripped off - the pain doesn't last as long and at least seems less. Plus, you will give him a chance to learn from what has happened and fix things for future relationships. It may take him a while to realize it was good for him, but in the long run he'll be thankful.
This article was originally posted by Daniel in August 2009.
Tags: ask a guy, advice, relationships, breaking up, growing pains
Published on November 18, 2009 by Daniel | Read all recent Ask A Guy articles.