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Top 10 reason why I hate Twilight

New Moon’s trailer was released May 31st, and already it has taken millions of people..... ahem, sorry, girls by storm. Torn between the dilemma of being in “Team Edward” or “Team Taylor”, girls all around the world literally, cannot wait for New Moon. And me? Well, Actually I am not waiting at all. Why’s that? Because I didn’t like Twilight. I can just hear the collective intake of breath from everyone reading this. Why don’t I like it? I watched the movie in December.

On December 18th to be precise. First day, first show and all that jazz. I went with my friends who were die-hard Twilight fans and watching a movie with someone squealing every five seconds is sort of... frustrating. It was not limited to my company alone. The entire theatre burst into little yelps and shrieks every now and then I also tried to read the book after the movie. It was a genuine and honest try.

It was so difficult to focus on and concentrate. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those people who have to be forced to read anything. I’d rather read a book than go out and party into the wee hours of the morning. I stared at it in distaste, sneering at it, wondering what the matter was. But I can finish reading my Geography textbook faster than this piece of “so-called” literature. I can’t say whether the movie was better, or the book, because I couldn’t finish the book to compare. From what I read, the movie was quite close to the original... but it had to be, or Catherine Hardwicke would have a throng of teenage girls after her in no time. With blowtorches and swords and other dangerous weaponry.

So why don’t I like Twilight? Let me count the ways:

1) I found myself drifting off while reading the cafeteria scene between Bella when he’s meant to be “dazzling” her. Nobody “dazzles” anyone anymore. Bella doesn’t have to faint every time she sees Edward’s face now, does she? No matter how romantic the scenario, it’s a bit hard to... digest.

2) If Edward Cullen is meant to be out-of-this-world-beautiful, then why did they choose Robert Pattinson? There are so many other better looking guys around who would be more appropriate for the role! Stuart Townsend, or Gaspard Ulliel, James Franco, Ben Whishaw etc.

3) Everything was so awkward. Edward Cullen was wearing MANSTICK. Trust me, he WAS. How could anyone’s lips be that red without the aid of makeup? And the sparkling scene was just so fake! Speaking of fake and awkward, remember the Biology class, where Bella sits next to him for the first time?

4) And why does Bella not mind that her would-be boyfriend is a stalker who “likes to watch her sleep”? I’m really surprised that Bella only smiles when he says that. I would’ve expected her to slap him on the face. Twice.

5) Also, I’m a little confused about the age issues. If he’s been seventeen years old for a while, then he must be over 80 years old! Why is he lusting over a high school chick?

6) Um, Kristen Stewart? We need to talk. I know you’ve done some really edgy stuff way back when you were little, but please, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, take some acting lessons! I’m so sorry, but it’s the voice! The squinty eyes! The lack of emotion! And stop hitting on Robert Pattinson.

7) I always thought vampires were human bloodsucking creatures, which couldn’t go out into the sunlight, hated the crucifix, holy water, garlic, sunlight etc! I know Stephanie Meyer wanted to do this her own way, BUT WE GREW UP WITH THIS! You cannot take it away from us, and romanticize monsters! Do you have any idea what would happen if someone decided to completely change Frankenstein’s monster?

8) Vampires should not sparkle. What would have happened if Dracula sparkled? He would’ve been allowed to go out during the daytime. Think of how many people he would’ve killed by dazzling them!

9) Why does everyone in school like Bella so much? When new students come to our school, we treat them to a little curiosity, but not full on crushes! You don’t even know them! And I still don’t get the “shiny new toy” rubbish.

10) And lastly, why do I hate Twilight? Because it’s dangerous for our health. Because there cannot be someone as good looking as Edward Cullen in this world. Because vampires do not exist. Because Stephanie Meyer wrote this from a stupid dream. Because we want our novels to be written by real writers, not pretend ones.

Now, for the stuff I liked (which isn’t a lot, I’m afraid). I liked when all the vampires and Bella played baseball... although that may only be because of the awesome Muse song that was playing in the background. Speaking of which, the soundtrack wasn’t half bad (Iron and Wine, Mutemath, The Black Ghosts...impressive in terms of movie soundtracks), however my only irritation is that now little 12 year olds are listening to Muse and not appreciating it properly. I thought that the actor who was Jasper should’ve gotten more screen time too. However, regardless, what’s been written, will still be loved by millions of girls (and some boys) around the world, and nothing I say, or do will change that. Kudos to Meyer for having that kind of effect on teenage girls. Not. So that is why I won’t go watch New Moon.

Or I might, and then make another Top 10 reasons why I hated New Moon.

Tags: twilight, movies, top 10

Published on November 15, 2009 by Tanya | Read all recent Scandalicious articles.