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Some Jokes Aren’t That Funny

I have a running inside joke with my guy friend. We pretend like we're dating and jokingly tell people we are. It seemed like our joke was getting a little more serious than usual but I just sort of went with it. One day after homeroom I was jokingly holding hands walking down the hall with another friend of mine (it was totally obvious that it was a joke). My "boyfriend" saw us and now our friendship feels totally weird. We talk a little less and it seems like every time he sees me, he talks to the closest girl to him. The problem is this: I have a problem with it! I don't know if I like him, but I really want us to go back to the way we used to be. What does all this really mean?

special~k <3 | age 14 | October 15, 2009

Daniel says...

This most likely means you have at least some slight feelings for this guy. Given how much time the two of you have spent together, that is not at all surprising, though. When guys and girls spend a lot of time together (particularly teenage guys and girls) it is actually fairly common for feelings to develop on the part of at least one of the people involved.

It is fairly clear that this guy likes you. And yes, I used the present tense (likes) as opposed to the past tense in that statement. If he no longer liked you, he wouldn't be so dead set on making you feel awful for so truly scandalous as having a little bit of fun at school. You're probably also dealing with a bit of insecurity, too. Teenage guys aren't the most experienced guys and that understandably leads to an inability to read people and what they are truly meaning. (Not that time equates to wisdom...ask any guy in his forties if he truly understands the female mind!)

When this guy saw you holding hands his mind jumped past what was intended to be a very obvious joke and moved straight on to being hurt. It's somewhat understandable, too. He probably thought the two of you had something special with your pretend dating - something unique to the two of you. Seeing you holding hands with another guy made him think he wasn't as special to you as he thought. As much as he may have wanted to believe you were joking, he was probably unable to overcome the feelings of betrayal.

So what now? Talk to him!!! You can't possibly get things back to "normal" between the two of you if you don't at least attempt to address things. Approach him sometime when you have a few minutes to talk. Before or after school may be best. Tell him what you know - that you holding hands with the other guy hurt his feelings - and then apologize for doing so. Tell him you never intended to hurt his feelings and you feel terrible for having done so. Sometimes getting things back to normal requires eating a little bit of crow. After things start getting back to normal (it may take a while longer), start hanging out with him more outside of school. The two of you like one another, so maybe a relationship (beyond your current friendship) is still possible.

Tags: ask a guy, advice, relationships, communication, revenge

Published on October 15, 2009 by Daniel | Read all recent Ask A Guy articles.