Ask A Guy

Just Kiss Me!

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about four months now and he's really a sweet guy. We've been good friends for years now, and now we're in a relationship--a pretty good one. We are comfortable with each other and have great communication. The only thing is, he hasn't tried to hook up with me or do anything more than pecks and holding hands in school--nothing physical. We're almost 17--shouldn't he be feeling something physical towards me? It's frustrating because my other boyfriends would take my hints and the clear opportunities. It's upsetting me because this should be one aspect of a relationship, only it isn't there--I feel like just another one of his friends without it.

*I probably should note that we've talked about it...and he says he doesn't "feel the need". He is into me...it's just that now I think it's time he needs to show it. My friends say he's really respectful, my mom says he might be intimidated, and I'm pulling my hair out. (And when I say he hasn't hooked up with me, I should probably start off with a serious kiss.) Isn't it time already? My patience has run thin. What can I do?

Elizabeth | age 16 | February 6, 2010

Daniel says...

Everyone wants to feel pursued. More accurately, everyone wants to feel wanted, and your boyfriend's lack of desire to kiss you makes you feel unwanted. The first thing you need to do is settle down and work commit to work through this with your boyfriend. In the grand scheme of things, this problem is relatively minor. He's not abusing you, he's not pushing you to do things with which you are uncomfortable, and he's not ignoring you. All indications are he is trying (and wants) to be a good boyfriend. This is an issue that should be able to be resolved given a little effort. Be careful not to place too much importance on kissing. Certainly kissing is part of a relationship and it's fun to do, but the most important thing is to be with someone you like. Kissing will come in time.

Your friends and your mom are right. He's respectful and probably intimidated. You say yourself the two of you have been friends for "years." Suddenly dating someone who was once a very close friend can take some getting used to and after only four months, that's probably still on his mind a little bit. Tell him that him not pursuing you at all makes you feel unwanted and that you need to know he finds you attractive. Don't accuse him of thinking you aren't pretty - this isn't about accusations, this is about how you feel. Make sure he enjoys kissing you when the two of you do kiss. If he doesn't, then you need to decide what to do, but most likely he does and there is some issue underlying his hesitation. Maybe a former girlfriend has stopped him from making moves or maybe his family has given him the impression that he should not be kissing you.

The key to resolving this is to keep up the communication. You clearly aren't going to subtly draw him into a late night makeout session. You've talked about what's going on and you just need to keep that up so he understands exactly what's going on in your mind.

Tags: ask a guy, advice, relationships, kissing, make your move

Published on February 6, 2010 by Daniel | Read all recent Ask A Guy articles.