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He’s Just A Big Baby

Two days ago the guy who I've been dating for three months told me we should just be friends. We both really like each other because he told me all the time that he did. We both agree that we have great chemistry together and we're really comfortable around one another. I even met his family and he met mine. Though he lives an hour away, I've made the effort of going to visit and he has visited me, too. He thinks we should be friends because I haven't had a lot of dating experience and he doesn't want to hold me back from doing so before settling down. We're both not ready to do that, though. I'm confused at his actions because we talk every day like we used to and he said he feels he's going to regret telling me to go on other dates. I'm still in college, he already graduated, and he also feels I should focus on school first. Is there hope for us or should I just move on? Thanks.

evmc12 | age 23 | February 7, 2010

Daniel says...

Romeo doesn't appear to be terribly interested in dating you. It's really as simple as that. Sometimes guys have a personality type that makes it very difficult for them to let anyone down. You are obviously very much into this guy and he takes you at your word when you admit this to him. He isn't so interested in you, though. His behavior toward you seems interested, but that appears to be the only way he is accustomed to behaving around you. He is using code to get you back out on the dating scene and most likely hopes that by getting you on the dating scene, he can unload you without actually breaking your heart or having to deal with the possibility of an ex-girlfriend crying on his shoulder.

He sees getting you to date some other people as an easy way out; it's kind of like a different way of looking at the "trading cars" view of relationships. In that viewpoint, you should never break up with your girlfriend until you have one to replace her. In this case, Romeo appears to be thinking that you should never take your car to the salvage yard when you can probably find someone else willing to save you the trouble. Once you start dating someone else, he will become an afterthought in your life - precisely what he is hoping happens. In the mean time, he'll be nice to you and continue his little game in the hopes that you don't ask him any actual tough questions.

Tags: ask a guy, advice, relationships, dating, breaking up

Published on February 7, 2010 by Daniel | Read all recent Ask A Guy articles.