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He May Never Have Been Interested

Today my guy friend told me that he has completely lost interest in me (as a friend) and that he can't talk to me about normal things and just doesn't care anymore. And then he added "not that I ever really did in the beginning." I've been completely in love with him for over a year now, and he has been a good friend to me, although lately our friendship has been really rocky and all we've done is fight and talk about my problems, which he exaggerates leading him to think I'm screwed up, which I am not. I know the logical thing would be to just drop him and move on, but I can't because I just care about him so much. And even though he's been a real butt hole lately, it's not usually like this. I've tried explaining to him that he really exaggerates my "abnormality" and that he needs to get over it but he's not listening. I don't know what his problem is all of a sudden and I don't know what to do that doesn't involve completely writing him off.

Steph | age 17 | Canada | November 21, 2009

Daniel says...

Friends do drift apart over time. I had several friendships in high school that I swore I would always have and, much to my own disappointment (at the time), those relationships dwindled until they were more or less non-existent. It sounds like this is the situation you are facing right now. If you have your heart set on rekindling this friendship, then the best thing to do is to spare this guy many of your "problems". Guys love helping people with their toils, but when the only thing they talk about with a person is that person's problems it starts to wear on them. Eventually any guy will grow tired of that.

Put yourself in his shoes. What would you like to do with him? Odds are, there is something that interests him - something that the two of you could do together. Your job is to figure out what that is and plan some fun things for the two of you to do together. Keep in mind, though, that it sounds like he is not, and will not become interested in dating you. If you're looking to pursue a friendship, then keep it platonic. But if you're looking for a relationship, then you need to take some time apart from him to get over your romantic feelings. If you don't, then your feelings will only be prolonged and make things between you increasingly awkward. Do something fun with your friend and leave the drama at home.

This article was originally posted by Daniel in August 2009.

Tags: ask a guy, advice, relationships, friendships, drifting apart

Published on November 21, 2009 by Daniel | Read all recent Ask A Guy articles.