Sex Ed 101

But I Didn’t Do Anything Wrong!

Firstly, thank you so much for giving the great advice you do. Thanks to reading your site, I did not regret or feel ashamed of my first time having sex and I waited for the right moment, as well as knowing how to protect myself and what to expect, so thanks!

My boyfriend and I have recently started having sex, and everything is going great. I'm on the pill and we use a condom so I know we're protected, and I don't regret anything. However, the other day my Mum decided to randomly empty out my bin, and instead of taking out the plastic bag she simply tipped out the rubbish, and to her surprise she found a condom. She completely flipped out, and told me I need to clean out my old bin, and that her and Dad expected more of me, and that I should not on any account be doing that in our house. Obviously I was quite embarrassed by this, but I was more upset. Most of my friends parents would not have had that reaction, rather checking that their daughter was OK, and everything was going well and even congratulating them on being safe!

I am 17 and legal (in Australia), so I felt like even though I had waited and made the right choice, they were condemning me for something that is completely natural, and it's something that I should be ashamed of. How can I get over this feeling that I've done something horrible when it's such a taboo subject in our family? Thank you

Anonymous | age 17 | March 14, 2010

Brittany says...

I think the best way to approach this situation is to look at it from your parent's perspective.

I don't know how close you are to your parents, but I'm really close with my mom and I know for a fact, had she found out someway besides me telling her that I was having sex would be devastating.  I'm sure your parents are very happy that you're choosing to have sex safely, but finding out their "little girl" is having sex can be quite shocking, especially if they weren't prepared for it and had no idea it was coming.  They also might be a little upset to think about you doing it under their roof and especially that they didn't figure it out sooner... because you know that parents like to at least think they know everything that goes on inside their house, even if they can't control it.

If you have a good relationship with your parents, or even just one of them, talking will help.  Sit them down and tell them how you feel - that you're sorry for not teling them earlier and that they found out this way, that even though you're having sex, you waited for somebody you can completely trust and don't regret, that you're taking every precaution to be safe and prevent pregnancy and STD's, etc.

Talking should help a lot with how you feel and how your parents feel.  It will show your parents that you're a responsible young adult and you're ready for this step in your life.  Just be sure it doesn't turn into arguing, no matter what.  Good luck and I'm so glad that we're able to help you out here!

Tags: sex, condoms, parents, safe sex, talking to parents

Published on March 14, 2010 by Brittany | Read all recent Sex Ed 101 articles.