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A Confusing Situation

Dear Daniel,

Let me sum it up. Friends for five years. Then we cuddled. He complimented my eyes, hair and intelligence. Then he kissed me. We made out. He tried to go further. I stopped him because I wanted to be sure he really liked me as much as I like him. He seemed frustrated after a while but respected my wishes. Then he held me, and when I said he was cute he kissed my head and said, "no, YOU'RE cute.". He said he'd protect me and seemed to mean it. Then he said it felt casual to kiss me. Not wrong, or like a mistake (I asked both) but just casual. Said he COULD take his hands away if he wanted to, he just didn't want to. I asked if he wanted to just be friends. (I was asking if that was how HE felt, not suggesting it myself.) But he agreed. I was completely confused. He asked me to open up and tell him how I was feeling. I said I couldn't. He apologized for leading me on and said he felt like an asshole. We went home. I am out of my mind. Any advice at all would be beyond appreciated.

KiwiBlue | age 19 | Illinois | February 7, 2010

Daniel says...

It sounds like this guy might have kissed you in either a moment of weakness or because he thought it's what you wanted. Apologizing for leading a girl on isn't something a guy does when he secretly likes her and then acquiesces to being "just friends." I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it sounds as though this guy isn't interested after all. As far as where to go next, keep being friends with the guy. It's possible he could develop feelings for you over time, but don't get your hopes up. The minute you start pining over one person and waiting for them to magically develop feelings for you is the time when you miss the person who might be right for you. If you want, you could try having another more focused conversation with him.

Explain your confusion, tell him what you were trying to say and what you were trying to ask and get his feelings about the situation. This is somewhat of a "nuclear" option because if the conversation does not go well, then you could end up setting your friendship back. It's an option, though. As far as where you go from here, that's up to you.

This article was originally posted by Daniel in April 2009.

Tags: ask a guy, advice, relationships, kissing, gauging interest, just friends

Published on February 7, 2010 by Daniel | Read all recent Ask A Guy articles.