*laffs* Archive
A place to share funny jokes that you have heard, read or stole from other websites.
Hey guys! Heard a good joke lately? Send it in!
You're Going To Die
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.
He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely DIE!!!"
"Each morning fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant and make sure he's in a good mood.
For lunch make him a nutritious meal he can take to work. And for dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.
Don't burden him with chores, as this could further his stress. Don't discuss your problems with him it will only make his stress worse.
Try to relax your husband in the evening by wearing lingerie and giving him plenty of back rubs.
Encourage him to watch some type of sporting event on T.V. And most importantly make love with your husband several times a week, and satisfy his every whim."
"If you can do this for 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."
On the way home the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"
She replied, "He said you're goanna die."
He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely DIE!!!"
"Each morning fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant and make sure he's in a good mood.
For lunch make him a nutritious meal he can take to work. And for dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.
Don't burden him with chores, as this could further his stress. Don't discuss your problems with him it will only make his stress worse.
Try to relax your husband in the evening by wearing lingerie and giving him plenty of back rubs.
Encourage him to watch some type of sporting event on T.V. And most importantly make love with your husband several times a week, and satisfy his every whim."
"If you can do this for 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."
On the way home the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"
She replied, "He said you're goanna die."
30 Years Younger
A couple had been married for 40 years and also celebrated their 60th birthdays.
During the celebration, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all these years, she would give them one wish each.
Being the faithful, loving spouse for all these years, naturally the wife wanted for herself and her husband to have a romantic vacation together, so she wished for them to travel around the world.
The fairy waved her wand and boom! ... The wife had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband's turn and the fairy assured him he could have any wish he wanted, all he needed to do was ask for his heart's desire.
He paused for a moment, and then said, "Well, honestly, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."
The fairy picked up her wand and poof! The husband turned 90!
During the celebration, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all these years, she would give them one wish each.
Being the faithful, loving spouse for all these years, naturally the wife wanted for herself and her husband to have a romantic vacation together, so she wished for them to travel around the world.
The fairy waved her wand and boom! ... The wife had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband's turn and the fairy assured him he could have any wish he wanted, all he needed to do was ask for his heart's desire.
He paused for a moment, and then said, "Well, honestly, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."
The fairy picked up her wand and poof! The husband turned 90!
Divorce Barbie
Tim is shopping to find a Barbie for his daughter when he notices he knows nothing about Barbie and there aren’t even prices on them. So, Tim brings three Barbie dolls to the checkout.
“Hi, how may I help you,” says the checkout guy.
Tim replies, “I have three Barbies and I need to know what they are and how much they cost?
The checkout guys says, “Well, the first one is Princess Barbie and she is $20 dollars. The second one is Forever Barbie and she is $25 dollars. The third is Divorce Barbie and she is $250.
“What!!” Tim shouts. Are you kidding me?!! Why is Divorce Barbie so much?”
The checkout guy explains, “Well, Divorce Barbie comes with Ken’s house, Ken’s car, and everything else Ken owns!!”
“Hi, how may I help you,” says the checkout guy.
Tim replies, “I have three Barbies and I need to know what they are and how much they cost?
The checkout guys says, “Well, the first one is Princess Barbie and she is $20 dollars. The second one is Forever Barbie and she is $25 dollars. The third is Divorce Barbie and she is $250.
“What!!” Tim shouts. Are you kidding me?!! Why is Divorce Barbie so much?”
The checkout guy explains, “Well, Divorce Barbie comes with Ken’s house, Ken’s car, and everything else Ken owns!!”