*laffs* Archive
A place to share funny jokes that you have heard, read or stole from other websites.
Hey guys! I decided to go with a theme for this update because I'm totally sick of school and ready for summer vacation! I hope you all get some laughs out of these school jokes!
Grades
A high school student came home from school seeming rather depressed.
"What's the matter, son," asked his mother.
"Aw, gee," said the boy. "It's my marks. They're all wet."
"What do you mean `all wet?'"
"I mean," he replied, "They're below C-level."
"What's the matter, son," asked his mother.
"Aw, gee," said the boy. "It's my marks. They're all wet."
"What do you mean `all wet?'"
"I mean," he replied, "They're below C-level."
Need Money!
A student called up his mom one evening from his college and asked her for some money because he was broke.
His mother said, "Sure, sweetie. I will send you some money. You also left your economics book here when you visited two weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?"
"Uh, oh yeah, O.K.," responded the kid.
So, his mom wrapped the book, along with the checks, up in a package, kissed Dad goodbye, and went to the post office to mail the money and the book. When she got back, Dad asked, "Well how much did you give the boy this time?"
"Oh, I wrote two checks, one for $20, and the other for $1,000."
"That's $1020!!!" yelled Dad. "Are you going crazy?"
"Don't worry hon," Mom said and kissed Dad on the on top of his bald head. "I taped the $20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the $1,000 one somewhere between the pages in chapter 15!"
His mother said, "Sure, sweetie. I will send you some money. You also left your economics book here when you visited two weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?"
"Uh, oh yeah, O.K.," responded the kid.
So, his mom wrapped the book, along with the checks, up in a package, kissed Dad goodbye, and went to the post office to mail the money and the book. When she got back, Dad asked, "Well how much did you give the boy this time?"
"Oh, I wrote two checks, one for $20, and the other for $1,000."
"That's $1020!!!" yelled Dad. "Are you going crazy?"
"Don't worry hon," Mom said and kissed Dad on the on top of his bald head. "I taped the $20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the $1,000 one somewhere between the pages in chapter 15!"
A Dollar Per Point
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in.
The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying, "A dollar per point."
The next day the professor handed the tests back out. The student got back his test and $64 change.
The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying, "A dollar per point."
The next day the professor handed the tests back out. The student got back his test and $64 change.
Public Servant
"Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher.
The small boy wrote, "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant."
The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" She asked.
"Sure," said the young student confidently. "It means carrying a child."
The small boy wrote, "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant."
The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" She asked.
"Sure," said the young student confidently. "It means carrying a child."
Do You Know Who I am?
It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the local university. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 700 students in the class! The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. A half hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet.
"You're not going to have time to finish this," the professor stated sarcastically as he handed the student a booklet.
"Yes I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing.
After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing. A half hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.
"No you don't, I'm not going to accept that. It's late."
The student looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know who I am?"
"No, as a matter of fact I don't," replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice.
"Do you know who I am??" The student asked again.
"No, and I don't care," replied the professor with a hint of superiority.
"Good," replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the room.
"You're not going to have time to finish this," the professor stated sarcastically as he handed the student a booklet.
"Yes I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing.
After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing. A half hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.
"No you don't, I'm not going to accept that. It's late."
The student looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know who I am?"
"No, as a matter of fact I don't," replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice.
"Do you know who I am??" The student asked again.
"No, and I don't care," replied the professor with a hint of superiority.
"Good," replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the room.