Ask a Guy Archive

Daniel says: The issue you have to figure out is whether you are getting annoyed at your boyfriend or if your tastes are just evolving and changing. If you were to get in a new relationship and you were to think it was cute when your new boyfriend behaved in the same way as your current boyfriend, then this is a sign that you're either growing tired with your boyfriend's demeanor or you're looking for your relationship to move to a more mature level. These are very different things, as being tired of your boyfriend's behavior indicates that his behavior is growing old, but looking for a more mature relationship indicates that you aren't necessarily tired of your boyfriend and simply desire a higher-level connection with him.

I suggest you talk to your boyfriend about the specific behaviors you would like to change. Given that you have negotiated nine months together and you view him as your best friend, I wouldn't write off the relationship quite yet. Keep in mind that ending your relationship will probably result in the end of your friendship, too. It's a big decision to make and is one that should only be made if you are sure your relationship isn't going to work.

Daniel says: The first time you have sex is often somewhat awkward. In your case, you've never actually met one another face-to-face, so that would only add to the pressure. It's clear that you have a creeping fear in the back of your mind about a pregnancy. So this would be yet another factor adding to awkwardness and discomfort. Nothing I can tell you will allay your fears about condom failure or anything like that, so if it's something that's in the back of your mind, then I would suggest you avoid having sex right now. If your relationship lasts, you will have plenty of opportunities in the future when you are less worried.

Daniel says: There isn't anything you can do that will magically change your friend's outlook overnight. Based on the betrayal he feels on the part of so many people in his life, what he needs is to see again that he can depend on people. This will happen over time by being there for him and demonstrating that you are a dependable support for him. You can also help this process along by helping him create a system or network of friends he can turn to for support. If you're the first person he knows he can trust and suddenly he is among many friends, he will certainly know you are responsible for how things are going for him.

Daniel says: Changes in sex life are to be expected in relationship. Typically, though, these are gradual changes that are almost imperceptible as they occur - it's only in retrospect that the changes become noticeable. It sounds like the changes you are experiencing are sudden and very noticeable. When you have a concern about your relationship, your boyfriend cannot be allowed to simply ignore you. Thus far, you haven't forced him to answer your question and he has continued to ignore you.

It sounds to me like your boyfriend has become more distant, almost detached. Sudden changes in attitude and sex drive can often be attributed to a couple things: drugs and affairs. I'm not saying your boyfriend is definitely doing either of these, but based on your description of his behavior it certainly sounds like he could be cheating on you. His unwillingness to talk about your concerns, his lack of desire for sex, and how suddenly his behavior and attitude have changed are unfortunate indicators of a larger problem.