Ask a Guy

The Ask a Guy columnist is here to provide a guy's opinion on any questions needing a male perspective. Whether you want to know how to ask a guy to a dance, ask a guy out, or just need some masculine insight to your current relationship, this is the place for you to decipher the male psyche!

Post Hook-Up Awkwardness

I cuddled with this guy one night about five months ago when we were on a business trip together. We shared a hotel room (his idea NOT mine but yes, I went along with it) and fooled around. Afterward, it was a bit awkward between us (and we never spoke about it), but then we seemed to get past it and become friends. The only problem is that I still have a huge crush on him. I run into him at a bar with a friend and a few minutes later I get a text, "your friend is cute

". Granted, we hooked up five months ago and I never let on that I like him at all, but still, isn't that just plain rude? Should I confront him or ignore the situation totally?

Also, it seems lately that every guy I meet finds me attractive at first, we kiss or hang out and then they want to just be my friend? How am I giving off this "buddy" vibe?

Hopelessly confused... Joan, 25 from United States

Daniel's advice: Seeing as five months have passed since the two of you hooked up, it's a safe bet that this guy has simply stopped thinking about you as a "hook up" and started thinking about you more as a friend. After a while, guys assume that people have moved on, just like they have done themselves. If you aren't comfortable, then don't respond to his messages. If he doesn't get the hint after a couple times, then maybe you need to say something to him. To get things started, simply say something like, "why do I need to know that?" Based on his response, you should be able to have a conversation that conveys the idea that you don't need to be informed about who he thinks is cute. But the bottom line is that, given no indication to the contrary, guys will assume that girls have moved on as soon as they do the same.

Regarding why you may be giving off a buddy vibe, it may be that you are not coming off as interested in the guys. Are you indicating your interest or are you remaining somewhat stoic and detached? If you don't let a guy know you might be interested, then he will very quickly move on to someone else who will. Don't be afraid to give a guy a call or flirt with him (even after you have kissed). Guys need to be rewarded for their efforts and simply kissing them may not always be enough.

Diving Back In

Dear Daniel,

I just got out of my first serious relationship with this guy. We weren't together for very long. The whole relationship only lasted 8 months. It ended because neither of us was in love with the other, and once we moved beyond the infatuation stage, we realized that we were better off as friends. The break up was mutual with no hard feelings from either party. I was just wondering how long I should wait to start dating. I don't want to insult my ex by jumping back into the dating pool too soon. Sarah, 23 from United States

Daniel's advice: There isn't any requisite amount of time you should wait before you start dating. The key thing is making sure you are ready to start dating again. It sounds as though your break up was not a painful one, so you may not really have to wait very long. It sounds like your ex-boyfriend is probably in the same boat, so you don't really have to worry about insulting him or anything like that.

What you need to do before jumping back in the dating pool is take some time to reflect on your past relationship and figure out what you need that you didn't have. The end of every relationship requires a time of reflection to figure out what you can do better. It sounds like you have already figured out that your relationship didn't work out because the two of you weren't in love with one another. Spend some time figuring out why that might be and try to see what type of guy you should look for. Once you have an idea what this may be, then you are ready to look for someone new.

Strange Way of Showing It

I met this guy at this conference thing. He's cute and stuff, but when I talked to him, he'd be really mean and make fun of me. Then he would be like, "it's okay," and pat me on the back. He was really mean to me in person, but he asked for my number and we'd text the whole time, too. He was so sweet and kept saying we should hang out, etc. What's with this mean/nice thing? Does he like me? Tina, 17 from Alabama, USA

Daniel's advice: It sounds like he does like you, but just has a very poor way of showing it. If he was being a little too mean to you, then don't be afraid to defend yourself. His meanness was probably not intended to hurt your feelings, but rather was intended to pique your interest in him and make you think of him. Don't be afraid to be a little mean right back to him, but if things keep up for too long you should be sure to talk to him about it (or stop dating him). If he isn't nicer to you once the two of you start dating, then it could be that the nastiness is a genuine personality flaw...don't spend too much time trying to fix it because you could only end up getting hurt.

Why So Hot and Cold?

I dated a guy in college for three years. We broke up after graduation because we'd fallen into a rut where we couldn't seem to stop arguing. We kept in touch afterward, but conversations always ended with a fight or with biting comments made by both of us. After five months of silence, he's suddenly talking to me again. Daily. He'll I.M. me at work, text at night, and often reference the relationship or inside jokes we used to share. We did have one serious chat about how we've each had time to think about what the relationship taught us, and he said he often thinks of me and misses what we might still share. I'm wary of jumping into things, but I'm keeping the conversation light-hearted for now. Suddenly after two straight weeks of talking every hour on the hour, he disappeared. I haven't heard from him in three full days. I don't want to push it or ask questions, but what's with the sudden silence immediately after opening up to me? Kate, 24 from Massachusetts, USA

Daniel's advice: There has to be a genuine explanation for this. After suddenly opening up to you, your ex-boyfriend shouldn't have suddenly changed his mind about pursuing a friendship with you. Maybe he left town on business or maybe he is simply really busy with work or some other commitment. Don't be afraid to get in touch with him...he doesn't need to be the only one pursuing this friendship.